Schismatic Pandemonium

Piss On One For Me

2012-01-13T07:33:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know it ain't "right" but, I personally don't have a problem with our warriors pissing on the dead bodies of enemy combatants. I have a problem with the jerkfuck that spread the video around. There's a Code Red that needs to happen.

And people need to get over being "shocked" by the atrocities of war. Regardless of what the MSM tells you, it IS a war. And war is hell. Those young men and women are putting their lives on the line to protect yours and mine. Relieving (heh heh) a little stress by pissing on a dead enemy seems pretty tame in a war zone.

Get. Over. It.

(A Belated) Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

2012-01-05T07:37:00.000-05:00

Hey, they sell Belated Birthday cards, don't they? Anyway, I started this post prior to Christmas and got seriously side-tracked. If you have a problem with that and accepting a belated holiday greeting, then belay my last. heh heh

So, on with what was the original post:

No surprise revelation here, but I am not a religious person, however I am an intelligent human being and understand I am in the minority and I see no reason not to say Merry Christmas. It is simply one title for the celebratory winter solstice season and I lose no sleep over saying it. Besides if it pisses off some militant Liberal puke, all the better.

So, Merry Christmas or whatever holiday celebration you enjoy this time of year. And I hope the New Year brings you what you need and provides the opportunities you seek to enjoy.

As for me, I will become a grandparent sometime this Spring, presumably April and have been busy since mid-December making the little guy's first present from Grampa O. Can't say what it is because my son occasional stops in to read my drivel and it's a surprise even for him and his wife. ;-P I am trying to get it ready by February so I can give it to them at the baby shower. But, we'll see.

That's all for now. Thanks for stopping by.

Hell Frozen Over

2011-11-19T01:06:00.000-05:00

It must have because I'm baaack!

The only number for "occupier" protesters I could find is 30,000. That's from an Occupy site, so I'm sure that's a major exaggeration. But, going with those numbers, out of 312,000,000 citizens, that is .009%. Nine fucking THOUSANDTH of ONE percent of U.S. population, claiming to speak for 99%. ?!?!?!?
Oh fucking please! Go to a job fair and put in a REALISTIC effort. And take a fucking shower!

Life, Liberty And The Pursuit....

2011-09-14T21:57:00.000-04:00

...of minding your own fucking business.

A creed I try to live by. But I will intervene in cases where life and limb are in danger, if I sincerely believe I can help. I wasn't a volunteer firefighter for 19 years for nothing.

But, that has nothing to do with this post. Well, actually, since it's part of the post now, I guess it does.

Do try to keep up.

I am also going to intervene, when I hear of unwanted (and unwarranted) interference with family matters. "Family" being direct descendants. Not withering branches, in need of pruning, of so-called family trees.

A young couple, say early to mid-twenties, and by "couple", I mean they are together. Not married. No paperwork giving them the same name. But a very committed couple. Live together. Share expenses, etc.

As does happen, a (non-immaculate, I presume) conception occurs and the couple proceeds to inform their parents and assorted relatives in person. Not an announcement on Facebook or Twitter or a mass texting thread. They go, in-person, to each relative they wish to inform and which time and space,of their busy and now somewhat altered lives, allows.

They are handling it very maturely, in my opinion and are looking for no one's blessing as far as I can tell. Simply informing those they love of their future family.

Now I've heard, second or third-hand mind you, that upon hearing of said tidings, certain relatives of the aunt variety expressed their displeasure of the unwed status of said parents.

I know not of these aunties, their marital status, before or after any possible pregnancies, their sexual tendencies nor their religious or political flavors. I don't give a shit about any of it.

What I give a shit about is that they would dare voice their primitive, tight-assed, closed-minded ( a redundancy, I fear) opinions to two very capable, adults who felt sharing their personal life and experience in-person was of great importance.

The couple should not have to endure such uncouth commentary from family not directly in ascendance. (none of which, as far as I know, expressed any such commentary) Keep that clucking for the privacy of the clenched-anus hen house.

If it were within my family, anyone expressing this neanderthal attitude would get my wrath and be asked to not be involved any further with said expectant couple. No shower invitations, no birth announcements and certainly no invitation to the as-yet-unmentioned-and-for-all-I-know-non-existent wedding.

Worry about running your own pathetic, presumably empty lives and mind your own personal fucking business.

Congratulations to the expecting couple. Much happiness together with your growing future family!! And condolences on the fucking busy-body relatives you were born with. You have many more who care about and love you without (much) judgement.

Adventures At Wally World

2011-07-16T23:30:00.000-04:00

So, Mrs. Dan O and I went grocery shopping at the Elyria Walmart last night. We picked up about 10 items and zipped on over to the 20 items or less "express" lanes.

Mrs. Dan O asks "which lane should we take?". I say the lane with one lady half-way through her cart and and one man with very few items vs. the lane with 3 waiting carts, the last being expectant mom with a 1-year-old on her hip and many items in her cart.

So, off we go. Waiting for slow-poke fucking cashier with the elderly "how the fuck does this debit card work" lady, followed by clueless-fucking-dad sending son-with-arm-in-sling on not one, but TWO trips back to deli counter for forgotten items, which he knew he forgot because he made a cell call to his wife, while Little Miss Prego-3rd-in-line at other checkout, PLUS 3 MORE fucking customers, getting through the line BEFORE WE DO, telling my wife that will teach her to listen to me!

The gene pool is in need of a DEEP fucking cleaning people.

BTW, as the cashier was ringing in our items, I said " Excuse me while I go run and get 15 more items." She was only slightly amused. Go figure.

How Time Flies

2011-07-14T12:28:00.000-04:00

Been 31 days since I paid any attention to this or anyone's blog. I just got nothing interesting to say, so I just stopped in to drop a line.
_______________________________
_____________________________________

There ya go.

See-ya,
Dan O

You Gotta Love Congress

2011-06-13T12:30:00.000-04:00

Using Google to find out it's own agenda.

And ending up here???!

Disappointed the loser didn't leave a comment. Probably Kaptur herself. As speechless as she is clueless. heh heh

Dan O, Then And Now

2011-06-11T00:20:00.000-04:00

Dan O ca1981

Dan O ca2009


Dan O ca 2011 (1980 issue uniform)

"So...

2011-06-10T23:08:00.000-04:00

...Dan O, what the fuck you been up to?"

Not much. Work sucks. There's a big fucking surprise, right?

Outside of work life pretty much cruises along and I just conform. More or less anyway..

Saturday nights find me around the fire ring out back, weather permitting. An occasional friend even appears to drink beer and bullshit with me.Stories are told and memories rehashed.

The big shindig happens in September. Lots of ~~old~~ long time friends come over and we drink, eat & bullshit the night away. A fun time is had by all. Well, by me anyway. Fuck the rest of 'em. It they ain't havin' fun., stay the fuck home this year! Lol.

Friday Night Pandemonium

2011-06-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

Here's some bourbon soaked bullshit from the other blog:
(this shit just spills out and I have no control. I blame the Old Crow straight Kentucky bourbon)

http://daftandobscure.blogspot.com/2011/06/family-life-blues.html

Family Life Blues

Rolled into town
Never expecting to stay

Just enjoying life
And finding my way

Circumstances happened
And I’m still here

Raising three kids
Drinking my beer

Never wanted it all
Just took what was dealt

Never considering
How wrong it all felt

Got a wife who loves me
Never known why

Never thought too much
Just let things lie

Got the wife and kids
A house, three cars

An ulcer, arthritis
And cheap cigars

It this ain’t the blues
Don’t know what is

Just help a man out
Before he lands in the skids

Sears Is Now On My "Do Not Shop" List

2011-05-10T07:33:00.001-04:00

Notice to Sears and any other retailer who may in the future wish to keep me as a customer:

A retail purchase involving cash or credit card, DOES. NOT. REQUIRE. ANY. PERSONAL INFORMATION to be provided.

If you want to see additional I.D. for the credit card purchase, that is fine. I have 2 state-issued picture I.D.'s that I will provide for you. BUT, you DO NOT NEED my phone number or address for a retail transaction to take place. There are many other retailers who DO NOT require anything more than a "Will that be all for you today?" in order for me to hand them cash or credit card in exchange for merchandise. THOSE are the retailers who will be getting my business.

Walked into Sears at the Midway Mall in Elyria, Ohio on Saturday having already researched which lawn mower I wanted and checking stock online. As I was looking for it amongst the mowers on display, a salesperson walked up to me, no surprise there, and asked if she could help me.

I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and said, "Yes, I'm looking for this lawn mower", showing her the model number I had written down. "That's it right there. Do you have any questions?" I answered, "No, I already did all my research." I really just wanted to get a look at it in person before I bought it.

At this point she walked towards a checkout saying she would check stock. I followed her, already pulling out my credit card since I knew it was in-stock.

As I approached the checkout, the beginning of the end of my shopping days at Sears began.

SD(Sales Dork): "Will that be on your Sears' charge?"

Me (standing there with my MC held out for her to take): "No, MasterCard."

SD: "Your phone number?"

Me (getting disgusted already at this now too familiar retail dance):" 440-NNN-NNNN."

SD: "Cliff SomethingNotEvenCloseToMyFuckingName?"

Me (still holding out my MC): "Nope. Not even close."

SD: "Name?"

Me (knowing I just gave all this shit back in November when I bought our treadmill and was in a more cooperative mood): "Dan O."

SD: "Address?"

Me (still fucking holding out my MC): "You don't need all that, just take my card."

Mrs. Dan O (knowing I'm getting ready to go off on this unsuspecting sales fuck): "Give our home number."

Me: "Fine. NNN-NNNN.

SD: "That doesn't come up either."

Me (now I'm getting pissed): "That's not my problem. We gave you all of that like 6 months ago. If you lost it, too bad. You don't need it anyway." (Thrusting my MC at her one more fucking time) "Here."

SD: "We need it for the warranty."

Me (having not just fallen off the turnip truck): "I'll have my receipt for the warranty. You want it for marketing. Every time I give this info out I get more phone calls and junk mail." I didn't even mention the identity theft angle. The more often it's out there, the more chances for theft. And in this instance, the info isn't necessary.

SD (getting nervous realizing she's not dealing with typical retail sheep): "Oh no, sir. We don't do that. Do you belong to our rewards club (or some such shit). If so that's why you're getting that stuff."

Me (now knowing I will not be getting this lawn mower): "Bullshit! No, we don't belong to any "clubs" and don't tell me you don't use this for marketing. Look, I'm not trying to come down on you personally, but this is all bullshit.

SD (Doe, meet headlights): "Well, we at least need a phone number so you can pick up your merchandise out back."

Me (wondering how stupid Sears execs really think I am. What the fuck is the receipt for if not to pick up the merchandise? Putting my MC back in wallet): "You know what? I don't need this lawn mower." (Now walking away past another salesman and his customers) "Keep your goddamned lawn mower if you don't want my fucking money!"

And after grocery shopping, went to Home Depot. Bought an MTD Yard Machines lawn mower with the same Briggs and Stratton Engine. $20 cheaper. And used the savings to buy a 2 year replacement warranty.

Fuck Sears.

I Have No Title For This Post

2011-05-04T20:45:00.000-04:00

I also have no post for this post. Which barely matters since I have so few readers no one will know I have no material to post. I have seen many blog authors lamenting lately about blogging and talking of giving it up. Nothing I haven't done before.

But, here's the thing. I never intended to be a world-class blogger. Good thing, huh? Fuck you.
I started blogging just to have a place to vent my frustrations, post anecdotes from my life and possibly collect a reader or 2 that may share my outlook on life.

I do this for me. Obviously. I average less than 5 readers a day most days. Some would ask "Then why bother, Dan O?" I say why not? What the fuck does it hurt to put my thoughts, opinions, bitches and moans and anecdotes out there? If no one else reads them, so what? It's a release for me.

Now, of course I can't lie and say it doesn't thrill me when I see interest in my blog. I hope somebody reads it and gets enjoyment from or enraged by it. But, that's not the big purpose here. SO, why would I give up because no ones reading? It's not like it's meant to be a money maker. It's just my personal bitch sheet that happens to be available to anyone who wants to read it.

There. Now that I've wasted 1.23 minutes of your life, go the fuck away and come back when I actually have content. Oh, and as long as you do read once in awhile, how about a fucking comment occasionally?

That is all.

SEEEE-ya!

Osama's Last Facebook Update

2011-05-04T19:25:00.000-04:00

H/T
Posted to FB by Ankit Singh

Is It Just Me?

2011-05-02T20:10:00.000-04:00

Every where I go, there are annoying people. Or at least people who annoy me. I recently told a friend on Facebook that I don't do well in crowds unless I choose the crowd. i.e., invite who I want over to my house for a party or know (and like) the majority of people who will be where ever I'm going.

Saturday A.M., Giant Eagle: A certain ethnic mother of 2 or 3 (it seemed like 5) kids all under age 5, with at least one whining at all times for something. Hint: Leave the kids at home with their dad, if you know who he is, or grandma or the pitbull or someone! You would get your grocery shopping done faster, leave in a better mood and not annoy everyone you come into contact with.

Now to be fair Mrs. Dan O and I were guilty of one of the sins of grocery shopping. Namely standing in an aisle talking with someone we hadn't seen in years and just happened to run into. However, as we said goodbye and were departing said aisle, I apologized to a lady whom I felt we may have held up for a few seconds. It's called courtesy. She acknowledged my apology and said it wasn't a problem. So, : P

Saturday P.M., ER: In bed next to Mrs. Dan O's, separated by 6 feet and a cloth curtain, an old woman's husband and loud mouth son carried on like they were alone in their fucking den. TV too loud. Son talking incessantly. You're in a fucking hospital people. Pipe the fuck down! When son and husband finally leave, old woman promptly fall asleep and snores like a dirt bike at max RPM. Jumping fucking christ. Then she wakes up and doesn't know why she's there or where her son and husband went. More drama. Felt sorry for her. I'm over it now.

Sunday P.M., Walmart: Young couple, 2 grocery carts, 4 kids, one crying/whining. Continuously. Hint: There's two of you. ONE of you stay home with the fucking brats. Or at least one of you take the whiny one out to the fucking car. It's called courtesy! It can coincide with parenting.

So, is it just me? Seems every where we or I go there's some discourteous person or persons, with or without offspring, annoying the fuck out of me. The only place I don't get annoyed is at home (unless I'm watching the news) or where there's alcohol being served. But only if the service is prompt!

Just Stopping By

2011-04-15T09:50:00.001-04:00

Took a vacation day today. My second one in less than a month. The second one this year. The second one taken to attend a funeral.

The first was for my wife's aunt last month. Today is for the father of my youngest son's girlfriend.

Not the way I prefer to spend vacation days. But then, others have more to complain about, don't they?

I was just getting to know Randy. They live 45 miles away, so we mostly only saw each other when something related to our children's relationship came up. The last time was when my son and girlfriend were up from Alabama to pick up more of their stuff from our homes. After helping load the moving truck at our house we all headed out to meet their friends at Scoreboards and have a fun time eating and drinking.

Randy is the one who taught the class I took in order to get my Concealed Handgun License. It was his gun I fired after the qualifying and liked so much I went and bought the same gun. Nothing high end. Just down and dirty basic 9mm that shoots very well.

Randy and I had another thing in common. We were both firefighters. Although I gave it up almost 4 years ago with 19 years of service, Randy was still going after 29 years on his department. He at one time was Fire Chief of the department.

He and I also both lived in our life-long hometowns.

I really wish we'd gotten to know each other better as I suspect we would have over the coming years.

Instead, today we say goodbye.

R.I.P. Randy.

Open Letter To non-Representative Kaptur

2011-04-01T22:16:00.000-04:00

Awhile back I did a post about my email to my U.S. Representative (there's a fucking misnomer). You may find the whole post here.

Here's the email I sent:

I am urging a NO vote if H.R. 308 the "Large Capacity Ammunition Feeding Device Act" comes out of committee. This, as well as all other firearms related bills do nothing to curtail the activities of criminals. Criminals, by definition, do NOT adhere to these ridiculous restraints put on LAWFUL citizens who LEGALLY obtain and own guns. These so called "large capacity" magazines are used by law-abiding citizens to defend themselves. Taking them away leaves them at the DIS-advantage compared to the criminals who will still have them. Please do NOT give the criminals any more of an advantage.

Sincerely, Dan O

Pop quiz!
What did I ask for in that email?

If you answered "a NO vote on a specific bill banning large capacity magazines" give your self a gold star.

My illustrious Representative or designated ass-kisser (her's, not MINE) answered with the following letter which I received recently by snail mail. (Highlights mine, of course)

My response to Ms. Kaptur: ( I refuse to refer to her as my representative as it is clear she doesn't give a fuck what I said since it clashes with her obviously anti-gun ignorance.)

Dear Marcy,

Since when are the "rights of law abiding gun owners and the rights of all citizens to feel safe" TWO different things? Law-abiding gun owners are NOT the ones to be feared by citizens. Law-abiding gun owners are the ones who feel safe from the CRIMINALS.

In your response you, or your appointed wannabe, state " At this time there is no bill banning all guns in either the U.S. House of Representatives or the U.S. Senate."

Well thank you for clearing that up. This tells me that short of that complete ban, you will vote for ANY ANTI-GUN legislation that comes around. You and your ilk want to erode the Second Amendment one bit at a time hoping we LAW-ABIDING gun Owners won't notice.

However, I doubt that you would refrain from voting "Yay" on a complete ban. Your position is more obvious than you seem to think your snide reply reveals. You completely ignored the object of my letter and instead addressed ONLY legislation that would ban guns entirely.

I find your response condescending and I don't appreciate any elected official responding with such an obviously "fuck-off" attitude.

Ms. Kaptur, the fact that someone as ignorant as you ever got elected to office scares the hell out of me because that means I live among the ignorant who voted for you.

Rest assured I will not bother you with anymore letters. You do not represent me. You are a self-serving, arrogant as well as ignorant, ass.

No, my letters and efforts will be toward getting your worn-out ass out of the House come next election.

Fuck off and drop dead,

Dan O

2011-03-20T00:01:00.000-04:00

And tonight's Com-Post is inspired by This Warms My Heart over at Jimbo's place.

Saving energy isn't the Government's job. It is the people's responsibility. And people should want to conserve energy. Why? Because it saves them fucking money and who doesn't want to save money? Well, okay. Who, in the middle class, doesn't want to save money?

I know I do. Want to save money, that is. And how do I do that? By stocking up on enough incandescent light bulbs to last me a lifetime or two of bulb replacement in my humble abode.

But DanO, how does that save you money? Everyone knows the mercury-containing, flickering, fire-starting, slinky-looking fluorescent bulbs save energy and last longer. The Government says so.

Yeah, there's your first fucking clue Sunshine. The Government. Fuck up a wet dream that group right there can.

Mrs. Dan O & I bought a package of these miracle pigtail bulbs a couple of years ago and replaced the 4 bulbs in the kitchen light, a living room lamp and the front entrance light with them. We have changed out every fucking one, some multiple times since. So much for "longer-lasting".

And on top of that, before they completely give out, they go into this delayed-start, flickering mode which lasts until it finally dies completely or it throws you into convulsions. At which time you uncontrollably seizure and break the bulb during the ensuing spaz-dance.

So, let's see. They cost more to purchase. They DON'T last anywhere near as long as touted. Months not years. Certainly not 10 fucking years as promised! I swear I have incandescent bulbs that have lasted 5-10 years and not a single coiled death bulb that has lasted a single year. And how much can they actually be saving me on electricity? Not that fucking much. Certainly not enough to pay for the difference in purchase price when you have to replace them every six months!

So, we've started stocking up on incandescents, which are dirt cheap and probably have plenty to last through our time on earth already, but will continue to purchase until they either stop selling them or the fucking assholes in Congress repeal the ignorant fucking law.

Oh, and I didn't even get to the part about disposing of the mercury-containing death twists. So, how do I dispose of them? In the fucking trash along with my table scraps and batteries.

Things Heard When They Think They're Alone

2011-03-19T18:45:00.000-04:00

So we're in the Dollar Store or Dollar General or somewhere that is cheap anyway, my wife calls it slummin', and I'm looking at the jersy work gloves when I hear what sounds like a seam-rippin', cheek burnin', full tilt on razberry fart from the next aisle. Nah, I think. One of those kids in here just makin' noises trying to make his siblings laugh.

Then I hear a woman's voice:"Oh my god, move on that's rank". Man's voice: "Bet you thought I was gonna hold it in, huh?"

By the sound of their voices she was right behind him when he purged. Luckily for me the aisle divider was was high enough that I didn't suffer the rankness, but then I didn't stick around that aisle much longer to find out. Just grabbed me a couple pairs of $1 gloves and went off to find Mrs. Dan O.

Kinda sounds like something I might do. Hey, Mom always said "Better out than in".

SDSTFU

2011-03-16T07:36:00.000-04:00

Republican governors were elected en-mass last November because the majority of people were tired of the same old shit. Now, when these governors start announcing their plans to try recovering from all the over-spending, the left (read: minority) are all over the news whining.

How about you do what you want us to do when it comes to your socialist fuck living in the White House who is ruining this country? Sit. Down.Shut.The.Fuck.Up.

Another Non-Post

2011-03-11T21:11:00.001-05:00

Some day soon maybe I'll actually get around to putting in an effort of a real post. Right now I'm too busy eating baby carrots and drinking bourbon to be bothered.

Most of the normal shit that pisses off normal (read "not liberal") people is also pissing me off. And so many people are already covering those things so much better than I could ever hope to, that I just can't work up the effort to even try.

So, why are you here reading this poor fucking excuse of a post instead of hitting some of the links over the right there and utilizing your free time a little more effectively? Yeah, that's right, go click on one of those recently updated blogs and get the hell outta here.

SEE-ya!

Reading Month Old Blog Post Inspires A Com-Post

2011-03-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

Reading And the winner is.....nice Lula! over at Random Thoughts From Inside The Basket reminded me of something I had some fun with last week.

Here's as I posted it on my FB page Feb 24:

Having fun with strangers. Got a text last night on my cell that just said "my new number 440-26x-xxx little Hxxxxxx" (x=numbers & letters, duh). I don't know anyone by that name so I ignored it figuring it was some kinda scam. Got another message around 10:30 this a.m. from that number that just said "Hey".

I've been having a txt conversation since then ( a couple of hours) with someone I don't know. And she has no idea I'm not who she thinks I am.

So far I know she took a couple of days off work, yesterday was her birthday, she spent the day with her daughter and will probably go out tonight.

I never initiated. I only responded to her texts. When she said "Hey" I simply replied "Hey, back."
Then she would say something else and I would respond.

The last text I got was around noon that day asking what I was up to. I answered back something like "work. not much else" Never heard from her again. Must have finally heard from whoever she thought I was and realized her mistake.

I was hoping for at least a "fuck you" when she figured it out.

Standing Between Westboro Baptist Church Oxygen Wasters And Real People

2011-03-05T12:03:00.000-05:00

Posted this on my Facebook page and wanted to share it here, also.

NRA Life of Duty Patriot Profile -- Patriot Guard Riders

Somebody needs to bury these WBC sheeple where the bodies will never be found. Having something to say is one thing. Doing it at the funeral of the very Patriots that GIVE you that freedom is the epitome of ignorance. Fucking inbred baptist clan needs to ingest some Jim Jones Kool Aid. Worthless people one and all.

Ah Yes, The Religion Of Peace!

2011-03-05T11:39:00.000-05:00

(Pic stlolen from Wirecutter.)

But obviously not of tolerance. Go figure. Fucking idiots don't even value their own life. How else do you explain all the human grenades? Fuck them and anyone who supports this bullshit. And while we're at it fuck Obama.

Saturday Night's Alright For ...Drinking

2011-02-26T22:57:00.001-05:00

Been hittin' the bottle hard lately there haven't you Dan O?

Fuck off. They're my brain cells and it's time they stop taking up space.

With all the shit going on in this country, my drinking is the least of anyone's worries. Believe me. Even drunk I understand that shit.

Drinking is more of a hobby than a vice for me. I like trying different beers every once in awhile. And cheaper bourbon. I keep buying cheaper and cheaper bourbon and you know what? I can't tell the fucking difference from the $17.90, $11.90, $8.90 & $8.25 a bottle bourbons. I don't have the most discerning palate, I know. But the first 3 are all from the same distilleries. They all taste the same the way I drink them. they all smell the same to me. Though I've never had a bottle of more than one at a time to actually compare. They're close enough anyhow in flavor and the buzz is the same. and when I can buy 2 bottles cheaper than one...well it's a no-brainer as they say.

I'm just not a snob about such things. My drink doesn't have to cost a lot to be good and satisfying to me. Not much of what I do does.

Does any of this make sense. I know no one gives a fuck about any of this. I'm drunk though and don't give a shit. My blog. My rambling. Dig it or not, that's the way it is here.

So, if you want me to write about anything else, comment and make a suggestion. I'm open to suggestions for my ranting prose. Other than shoving it up my ass. Well, actually...

Well It Friday Again And Dan O's Been Drinkin'

2011-02-25T23:17:00.000-05:00

Not close to drunk, 'cause I ran outta bourbon. So, I'll keep this short. Heh.

Can you believe what the fucking citizens did to themselves in Chicago?

Elected a guy who had to go to court to get on the ballot. Illegally. IMHO, of course. The law says you gotta live in Chicago for X amount of time. What's the fucking grey area here, folks? It certainly isn't in the skull of whoever ruled for the Rahmaman.

What a bunch of numbfucks. What next? Gibbs as Illinois Governor? The rats are leaving the sinking U.S.S. Obama and seeking out the last communist bastions in the land.

Fuck 'em. Get what they asked for and deserve.

It's late. That's all for now.

I Know This Is a Bad Idea

2011-02-19T00:33:00.001-05:00

But, it's never stopped me before. I'm drunk, so fuck you. I'm tired of all the bullshit in my life. Obama. Fuck him! Work, Fuck that!

Sick of all the shit that I hear every fucking day in the news. It's not news! It's pathetic fucking people wanting attention and compensation for their fuck-ups. Fuck them. Live your life. Leave me alone. It. Is . That. Fucking. Simple.

Spill coffee in your lap. Cry, then get the fuck over it. No reason to sue someone because it was hot. You wanted hot coffee.

You picked your profession. Shut the fuck up about your pay scale. You knew it when you took the job or you're too stupid to work.

Fuck you and your union. I've worked for over 30 years without a union. I've never walked a picket line. I've lived within my means. I'm not a fucking puppet to some union thug. Fuck you.

Get a fucking clue and learn something about your country's history and founding. And world history. Socialism DOESN'T work. EVER. Fuck you and your freeloading fucking life. Get a job. Get a clue. It. Is. That. Fucking. Simple.

Oh. Did I mention, FUCK OBAMA? Fuck Oprah. Fuck Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton.

That is all. Carry on.

Happy Rodent Day

2011-02-02T07:21:00.000-05:00

Or Groundhog-wash day. You know I love the movie, but I've never known or bothered to look up how or when this piece of lore began.

Actually, ever since I was a young boy, I've thought they had the whole thing wrong. The story is if the ~~fucking rodent~~ esteemed prognosticator sees his shadow we get 6 more weeks of winter.

Now, disregarding the fact that is exactly what we get anyway since the vernal equinox is 6 weeks away and even that doesn't mean the end to winter weather. The fact that he sees his shadow would mean the sun has to be shining. Which to me seems like it should be a Spring-is-near indicator rather than a gloom and doom prediction.

But, what the fuck do I know. Obviously the rodent knows more than me. Not a stretch, that.

So, here's a toast, to Punxsutawney Phil or Buckeye Chuck or which ever rodent you worship; "May your shadow be hidden and the weather get better, cause I'm fucking sick of this long, cold winter!"

So, Let Me Get This Straight.

2011-01-30T10:30:00.003-05:00

If I knock someone for their opinion, it's alright for someone else to knock me for that opinion, but I shouldn't have knocked the first person to begin with according to the second person.

Isn't what the second person is doing, the same as what he's knocking me for? What the fuck? I'm done. No more commenting on other blogs. Too many hypocrites in the fucking world. "It's okay for me to do it, but how dare you." Fuck off Jon!

(I know most of you won't know what this is about. I just wanted to vent. Go figure. My blog and I'm venting.)

Ahead Of Schedule

2011-01-29T15:28:00.003-05:00

Every year, except one, since 1987 I have participated in the Memorial Day ceremony held here in our metropolis of LaGrange. Up through 2001 I wore either my dress whites or dress blues depending on the temp that morning.

When 2002 arrived, the ever-shrinking (heh) uniforms were finally too small for me to ~~squeeze my fat ass and beer belly~~ comfortably wear ~~without fear of bursting a seam or letting fly a barrage of buttons from the 13-button pants~~ and appear with proper reverence to the uniform.

And so, I switched to wearing my Fire Department uniform out of respect for the 9/11 tragedy the previous year. Timing is everything, but I thought it was also very apropos for the time.

Then in August 2007, due to facts not on record, I quit the Fire Department after 19 years of service. Which left me without a uniform to wear come Memorial Day 2008.

I shopped around and was able to find a dungaree shirt and iron-on crow (the eagle and chevrons worn on the sleeve) as depicted in the second photo at this old post.

I never cared for the idea of wearing the working uniform for such a ceremony, but I made do with what I ~~could squeeze my fat ass and beer belly into~~ had at the time.

Last August I started a di..die...diet due to the fact that the doctor wanted to put me on meds for high sugar and I told him I didn't want to take more than the 2 meds I was already taking for my BP.

I started the diet on my own and run it my way. No help from the doc. No fad diets or pills, powders or shakes. MY diet. MY way.

I set a goal for wanting to get into my dress blue uniform by Memorial Day this year.

To date I have lost 35+ pounds. Back to about the weight I was when discharged in 1986. So, I couldn't wait any longer. I had to see if I could do it.

Yeah, I know those aren't regulation pants, but it was the blouse I had the most trouble getting into, so if it fits the pants will not be a prob.

By Memorial Day, I may need alterations to take them in. Heh, heh.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

2011-01-24T12:22:00.002-05:00

Came across Climate change: Dogs of law are off the leash over at Drudge.

Lawsuits over damages from global warming. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!! It would be funny if not so fucking ignorant and sad. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with people? Supposedly educated human beings are buying into bullshit science that has been proven to be bullshit.

No I will not cite references, you have your own computer, look it up. Read BOTH sides of the global warming debate and decide which makes more sense. If you can't figure it out that man-made global warming is bullshit, you're part of the problem. Kill yourself.

Heard from Uncle Algore, Pastor of the Church of Junk Science, recently? No. You haven't. But his flock of numbfuck sheeple are wandering the globe dazed and confused and hiring lawyers to sue human proxies for that for which Mother Nature is purely responsible.

Fucking moonbats and their moonbat lawyers. The bane of humanity.

The only promising thing in this article was this line:

"The number of suits filed has increased radically. But the number of suits claiming damages from climate change that have been successful remains zero."

Small comfort. These lawsuits should never even make it to court. No legitimate lawyer should be ignorant enough to file such ludicrous lawsuits. But, that's why lawyers have the reputation they do. Because of the fucking ignorant ones who will file suit against a dust mite if it will possibly make them a buck.

There can't be much left in this world for me to see. But then, I've said that before.

112th U.S. Congress: Ignorant As Ever

2011-01-23T00:11:00.004-05:00

Following the Tucson tragedy, there will be more gun control bills hitting the floor than interns' knees. One of the first to go to committee is this: Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-N.Y.) introduced H.R. 308, the "Large Capacity Ammunition Feeding Device Act."

And I'm not waiting for it to reach voting status to voice my opinion to my Representative. Here is what I sent my Rep in an email today:

I am urging a NO vote if H.R. 308 the "Large Capacity Ammunition Feeding Device Act" comes out of committee. This, as well as all other firearms related bills do nothing to curtail the activities of criminals. Criminals, by definition, do NOT adhere to these ridiculous restraints put on LAWFUL citizens who LEGALLY obtain and own guns. These so called "large capacity" magazines are used by law-abiding citizens to defend themselves. Taking them away leaves them at the DIS-advantage compared to the criminals who will still have them. Please do NOT give the criminals any more of an advantage. Sincerely, Dan O

As more bills hit the committees, more emails will be sent. These ignorant fucks in Congress need to wise up to the fallibility of gun control laws. The slogan "when guns (or their pieces/parts) are outlawed only outlaws will have guns" is not just a slogan. It is the bare-assed truth.

And making outlaws of law-abiding citizens simply by passing nonsensical laws, is the absolute epitome of ignorance and should NOT be tolerated from any person elected to Congress.

To ALL Congress members:

GUN CONTROL DOES NOT WORK! CRIMINALS DO NOT FOLLOW LAWS. GET YOUR CRANIAL-RECTAL INVERSION REVERSED AND STOP AIDING THE WRONG PEOPLE!

When people like the nutfuck Loughner go off and kill people, fry THEM! Don't go after law-abiding citizens' property. That. Just. DOESN'T. Make. Sense! And if you think it does, then YOU are part of the problem. Period.

There is no logical argument to be made for gun control. What part of "shall not be infringed" is too fucking difficult for your atrophied gray matter to compute?

Go read some legitimate studies on countries and regions that have enacted gun control. Go ahead. I dare you. Fucking moonbats.

Comment/Post Deleted

2011-01-17T07:28:00.002-05:00

Dear Ms. Heath,

Due to your questionable reading comprehension skills, I deleted your comment and my reply on my previous post and the subsequent post where I published your comment.

Please refrain from reading anymore of my posts.

Thank you,

The Management

What The Hell As Long As I'm Having A Flashback

2011-01-16T18:00:00.002-05:00

Let's look at one of my first posts put up just days after starting this incite-ful, witty, profanity laden diatribe known as Schismatic Pandemonium.

If you google 'oberlin nazi gingerbread' you'll still find many articles up which will fill you in on what I was writing about.

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Ignorance In Abundance

In light of controversy over a nazi-gingerbread men display and the Oberlin Board of Education kowtowing to the ignorant minority:

As for the "artist" and the nazi gingerbread men, maybe he was going for the irony angle. Nazi's who were created in an oven? Come on, that's irony at it's finest.

Everybody's too damn sensitive. Did his display celebrate what the nazi's did? Are they REAL nazi's? Are they going to jump out of that window and harm anyone. Come ON!

Where in the Constitution are we guaranteed freedom from (gasp) being offended?

As long as my taxes didn't pay for his creation, let him create. If you don't like it don't look at it, he shouldn't have to remove it.

On the subject of mascots, logos etc., I can't believe that a school board would remove a mascot because of a few misguided people who are obviously ignorant of the definition of both racism AND mascot. Once again, the vocal MINORITY, (as in fewest in number) get their way due to ignorant politicians.

The idea that sports teams should change their logos because a handful (as in small, few a minority count) of people find them offensive is just plain ignorant.

Everybody comes into contact with something they find offensive. How they deal with it is determined by how adapted they are to living in the real world. If you come across something offensive, ignore it and the people associated with it. To find something offensive is a matter of opinion. And you know the saying about that...."everyone has one" etc.

As for racist, there's not even an argument to prove that true. Racism is to discriminate against someone based on their race. Where is the discrimination in a logo? To prove racism you would have to prove intent to discriminate. I don't believe sports teams show any intent to discriminate when choosing a team name or logo. The idea in naming and choosing a logo is to show strength and determination and should therefore be construed as an HONOR, not a disgrace.

Just because a very few people find a characature to be offensive is no reason to change a team's name or logo. To cave-in (sorry to any troglodytes out there) only shows a sign of weakness and a lack of commitment on the part of team management. Commitment to the fans who support the team and line the owners pockets with gold in the case of professional teams. And a commitment to the community to spend their time on IMPORTANT issues in the case of High School Teams.

Political Correctness taken to the extreme. Actually, that's redundant isn't it? PC is an extreme in and of it's self. People need to just go on with their lives and stop being so damn sensitive. That team logo IS NOT causing any real harm to ANYONE! It's a damn drawing, it CAN'T and isn't INTENDED to cause any harm.

Flashback

2011-01-16T17:33:00.002-05:00

Got this pic in my email and it reminded me of a post I did way back when. So, I dug out the archive disc, (yes, the archive disc, you didn't think I just deleted all these gems did you?) and now I present A Schismatic Pandemonium Flashback: (Originally posted Sept. 22, 2007)

Parents: Ever Heard Of McDonald's, Chuck E. Cheese, et al ?

Walked into Applebee's with my wife today to have lunch. (Her Birthday's tomorrow and I'm cheap, so what?)

The two ladies ahead of us got seated to the area just to the right of the Hostess stand where there was only one other booth, out of 6, occupied at the time with 2 people. There were also 5 or six tables in this area which were unoccupied at the time.

So, I think to myself good, nice open area, lots of open seating, we'll be following the hostess right up there too.

We step forward, "Just 2 please".

"Right this way please", heading left, up into another area similar to the first, also with only 1 or 2 tables/booths occupied. I'm thinking, okay, this will do also.

She keeps walking. Into yet a third similar area, where the first booth is occupied by a mother with one no- more-than-2 year-old sitting with her. So, I'm thinking, okay we're going to pass on through here into the fourth and final area (besides the bar area) where no one appears to be seated yet.

No. Such. Fucking. Luck.

Hostess walks past aforementioned booth with mom and terrible-twoer, and attempts to seat us next to another table in the same area with no less than 3, under-3 year-olds (of which at least 2 were up and out of their seats), and where a third table is already occupied by... I didn't notice because now I'm thinking, WTF? Fuck Murphy's Law, this is Rod Serling territory.

She smiles holding her hand out towards the table and asks (not really meaning it) "How's this?"

"No." Her smile fell like drunk off a bar stool at closing time.

Not sure if she was able to utter anything at this point, but I politely stated "Put us where there are no kids, please." She looks completely flabbergasted (isn't that a great word?) and looks around like she's never been in the restaurant before.

She heads back to the Hostess stand to confer with the Head Hostess, who's actually the one who sent us to Neverland to begin with, and get a new seat assignment.

When we reach the stand, I point to the area they had just seated the two ladies ahead of us in and said, " That area would be just great."

"Oh, okay." Like she had just discovered that the area existed. (anyone heard from Miss South Carolina lately? "I believe, that in so much as, these people want to have kids screaming in the Iraq, and as such, while South Africa doesn't have menus....")

"Thank you."

"Sure."

We sit down and I say to my wife what I really wanted to ask the Hostess, " Why in the hell would anyone send a couple our age, with no kids in tow, clear over to an area with no less than 4 toddlers in it when there's this area with only two booths occupied, and 2 other areas equally sans snot-licker's? What fucking sense does that make?" She couldn't understand it either.

And to punctuate our thoughts, about 2 minutes after our waitress took our drink order, a wailing, lung-emptying, crying scream was released from across the restaurant from, you guessed it, the area we were supposed to be occupying.

"Imagine if we had been sitting in that area.", I said. "Why don't people with kids that age go to McDonald's? They have playland and Happy Meals, don't serve alcohol and have other annoying screaming kids, because that's what they're geared toward"

There will be plenty of time for those diaper-fillers to ruin people's meals at real restaurants when they become irresponsible parents themselves.

Ignorant Anti-Gun Moonbats (I know, that's a double redundancy) Get Educated Here

2011-01-14T20:53:00.003-05:00

I read some Op-Ed piece this week where the fucktard asked, supposedly sarcastically, if concealed carry is so great and Arizona is pro right-to-carry, then where were all the armed citizens to save the day. That's paraphrasing. I don't remember where I read it for certain and don't give a fuck about giving the asshole who wrote anymore credence.

Anyway, for him and all other ignorant moonbats who would ask the same question, go watch the videos at Buckeye Firearms.org.

Any responsible, law-abiding concealed carry gun-owner is NOT going to pull their weapon and fire into a crowd or where there is danger of harming innocent bystanders. You shouldn't even have to be pro-gun to logically figure that out. Which just proves the writer is just trying to be inflammatory and vitriolic.

Oh wait. Isn't that what that ilk has been trying to blame conservatives for all week. Hypocrisy abounds! I. Am. Shocked.

Bill Maher Is An Ignorant Punk

2011-01-13T07:24:00.002-05:00

Sorry I missed this, but I don't stay up that late.

Bill Maher Heckled by 'Tonight Show' Crowd for Saying Conservatives Want to Kill People They Disagree With

Jared Loughner Not Only Wacko In Wake Of Arizona Massacre

2011-01-11T07:10:00.005-05:00

Gail Collins, Op-Ed contributor at the New York Times (what a fucking surprise) is at or at least near the top of the list. I nominate her for Queen-of-the-Clueless for the week.

She espouses the typical liberal response to a tragedy. Deny the law-abiding majority their rights due to the law-breaking minority. What a numbfuck!

This "professional" keyboard-pounder is not only wacko, she may be the most ignorant anti-gun nut. Although, judging by commenters to her piece yesterday, A Right to Bear Glocks? that's a long and undistinguished list.

"If Loughner had gone to the Safeway carrying a regular pistol, the kind most Americans think of when they think of the right to bear arms,..."

Okay Gail, you ignorant slut, just what the fuck is a "regular" pistol?! Are you still picturing a muzzle loader? Just how fucking old are you? I already know how ignorant and ill-informed you are. Please, go buy the latest gun directory and point out to me the "regular pistol" section. It should be right next to the "assault" weapons. Both are made-up classifications by your douche-drinking Brady Bunch sheeple.

"Loughner’s gun, a 9-millimeter Glock, is extremely easy to fire over and over, and it can carry a 30-bullet clip. It is “not suited for hunting or personal protection,” said Paul Helmke, the president of the Brady Campaign."

Your ill-informed status is understandable if you're getting info from the Brady Campaign for the Destruction and Denial of the Second Amendment.

A semiautomatic handgun is exactly what you want for self defense. Well, it's exactly what I and other law-abiding gun owners want for self defense. Self defense being protecting yourself from someone intent on doing you, or someone you love, bodily harm. The idea being you're better armed and better prepared than your attacker.

It must be comforting to know you can make a living spewing ignorant lies and rhetoric and not have to justify anything you say by hiding behind the Op-Ed shield. Too bad there are people like you in the world. Your ilk is exactly from where the Loughner's in this world are bred. But I don't expect you to understand that statement.

That's right, he's a fucking liberal moonbat like YOU! NOT a Tea Party member, rightwing radio listener or Palin supporter. HE. IS. ONE. OF. YOU! But, to admit that isn't within your ability is it? No, easier to convince yourself and your liberal brethren that it's somebody different than you.

Here's your kool-aid, bitch. Drink up!

Keep pounding out your Brady Bunch fueled bullshit so your sheeple can bleat at your feet and feed on your brain droppings.

Meet The New Boss; Same As The Old Boss...

2011-01-03T10:36:00.002-05:00

We just got fooled again. No big fucking surprise. It is politics after all. SSDP. Same Shit Different Politician.

First the Lame-Duck Governor bends gun owners and 2A supporters over the shooting bench and shoves an anti-gun judge up our ass by appointing her to the Ohio Supreme Court. You can read that juicy little porno script here:Ted Strickland's final legacy for Ohio’s gun owners is anti-gun

Then, before our throbbing sphincters can rebound and close out the cold winter air, our newly elected "Pro-gun" Republican Governor steps in and throws us over the hood of our cars by appointing an anti-gun State Trooper to the Superintendent position of the OSHP. That ass-chapper can be read here: Governor-elect Kasich appoints anti-gun Highway Patrol bureaucrat to superintendent position

Now, a lot of people out there are saying "I told you so", when it comes to the Kasich move. Many warned that even as a Republican he was not as pro-gun as he liked to state.

The NRA as well as state gun-rights organizations gave Strickland the better grade based on his past promise to sign "every pro-gun law that reached his desk."

Well, that's all well and good except he still supported anti-gun democrats running for office. A promise to sign every bill that reaches his desk is not all that meaningful if none reach it. He never said he would support the bills prior to them getting to his desk. He was pumping us with his right fist while putting a knife in our backs with his left.

What kind of choice was that, after all? 50/50 at best in my opinion. All a matter of if you want a left-handed or right-handed reach-around while getting fucked by the latest liar in the Governor's Mansion.

So Ohioan gun owners, BOHICA! Bring your own lubricant.

The Non-Title Title For A Non-Post Post

2011-01-02T11:02:00.002-05:00

How can this be a non-post post? Who the fuck knows. I couldn't think of a title so that's what you get. It's not like I'm some professional article writer here. As if that's not obvious enough.

You want content or a fucking title? Okay, I'll admit as a far as content goes, I'm pretty much lacking there, too. Sue me! I've got a brand new bottle of Old Grand-Dad, a 13 year old pickup truck with 289,000 miles and this computer. Take your best shot.
(Please leave me the bottle)

So, another year has come and gone. Obama still lives in the White House. At Least when he's not vacationing in Hawaii or wasting time and money kissing foreign dignitaries asses on their turf. What is it that pant-load is doing for this country again? As far as I can tell the only thing he's accomplished is getting the Republicans back in power. So, I guess that's something. Fucking jerk-off.

My 2010 was okay other than above mentioned tree ornament candidate. I started out in January by getting my CHL (Concealed Handgun License) and made it through the year without having to shoot anyone.

Made the 2 or 3 annually required trips to the ER for my oldest son and wife throughout the year. All is well after removal of gall bladder (son) and passing of kidney stones (Mrs. Dan O & son).

Had our 2nd annual beer and bullshit party in September. Another good turnout and a very good time. Lots of folks that hadn't been together in up to 30 years. There were bourbon soaked cherries, beer and moonshine to wash down all the homemade food and grease the wheels of the bullshit machine. Pretty sure there will be a 3rd annual this year.

I ended the year about 30 pounds lighter than I was in July. I hope to drop another 20 or so. We'll see how that goes. We bought a treadmill as our joint Christmas present, so that's been helping me as of late with getting my walking exercise. Which is about all the exercise I ever do.

Oh, I did get to reclaim my basement workshop after my youngest returned in September to take most of his stuff back to 'bama with him. I actually started my first woodworking project in 8 years. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that I built a table. It's still not stained and finished. I'm waiting on some parts to be delivered that I ordered to put in a ventilation system for removing the fumes. Since Mrs. Dan O's asthma returned 3 or 4 years ago, I need to make sure the fumes don't make it upstairs. The ventilation also means I will be able to enjoy an occasional cigar down in the basement in the winter or during inclement weather. Bonus!

Okay, that about wraps up my boring life chronicle for 2010. Maybe I'll get around to posting more in 2011. But, don't count on it. Oh, I know how disappointed y'all are over that. No matter, it is what it is and it ain't much.

Happy New Year to you and yours!

Oh, and Fuck Obama!

SEE-ya!

Let The Holiday Festivities Begin. Bah!

2010-11-27T09:31:00.003-05:00

Giving credit where credit is due, this is a ComPost inspired by Hoosierboy with his post Wherein you find the Author in a Chatty Cathy kind of mood.

I assembled our tree Thursday while Mrs. Dan O was at work. She usually does that, then I put on the lights and she finishes the decoration. I could not find the lights. They would not for the life of me jump out of storage and say "Here we are".

Of course she found them as soon as she got home. And here it is Saturday and the tree remains bare. I suppose some time today I will find the time to take care of this chore. Maybe. Mrs. Dan O is working again today, so she's not here to prod me into it. Of course we were home most of the day yesterday and she never mentioned it. So, it's her fault. Yeah, that's the ticket. She knows I'm a world class procrastinator. She should have kicked my ass off this computer yesterday until I put the lights on the tree.

She also knows I'm not an enthusiastic reveler of holidays. Her nickname for me throughout this season is Bah Humbug. I'm not that grouchy over it all. More like apathetic.

You'll hear me say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays with a smile and think I mean it. And I do mean it. I'm not so scroogish as to want to ruin anybody's holidays or wish them ill. Well, maybe some somebodies. I'm just don't get excited over holidays, birthdays and such.

I tend to get excitable more when things matter or things go wrong. If things go as planned, I move on to what's next. When something goes wrong, I want to take steps to find out what went wrong and take action to correct it. If things are going right, then no action is required. Why get excited? Not that I don't feel satisfaction. That's not it at all. I love when things are good. I just don't show excitement over it.

Anyway, the naked tree is speaking to me now, so I suppose I'll find the time right now (heh) to go test the lights, find and fix any non-operating bulbs, unwind them from their holder, wrap them around the tree just so, making sure they're evenly spaced and look delightful...nah, there's plenty of time later today for that shit. I gotta go do some sawing, sanding and screwing (I wish!) down in my workshop.

Wishing you all an early Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :D (that's a real smile, btw) Who knows when I'll be posting again.

SEE-ya!

11/28 Update: O.K., lights didn't get put on yesterday. BUT, the new table I'm making is built. Not finished, but built. Now all the fun stuff. Sanding, staining, applying polyurethane. That's not getting done today. Or even started.

However, the lights are on the tree, I ran an errand that needed to be handled today and I made Chex Mix. And now I'm recording some old LP's to put on CD for my Dad. And enjoying some Jim Beam beverages.

The Final Solution

2010-11-25T21:42:00.002-05:00

Got this in my email today. Anybody find anything wrong with this?

Subject: Perfect solution for the airport

This has got to be one of the greatest ideas I've heard......... and I'm
sure that someone could figure out how to do it!
Here's a simple solution to the controversy over full-body scanners at
airports.

Develop an enclosed booth that passengers step into but, instead of
X-raying them, when the door closes, it will detonate any explosive
device they have hidden on or in their body. The explosion will be
contained within the sealed booth. This would be a win-win for everyone!

There would be no concern about racial profiling. The booth would
eliminate long, expensive trials.

You're in the airport and you hear a muffled explosion, followed by an
announcement over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers, we now
have a seat available on flight number..."

What's not to like?

Facebook Can Be Amusing, Jim Beam Helps

2010-11-21T19:42:00.005-05:00

Maybe not as amusing to you as it is me, but Tim and Barb just push my amusement buttons. Yes, Nathan O is related to me. Tim, I know only from Nathan's T-ball days, many years ago. Barb, wife of Mike (whom I know), I've never met. Nor care to. Neither one has a clue.

(You know the drill: Click on images to make 'em bigger)

Protecting Your Kids With Yard Signs

2010-11-08T07:22:00.002-05:00

Driving through a Cleveland neighborhood this morning on my way to work, I noticed a bunch of "feel good" signs in people's front yards. "Brake 4 Kids". Really?! Only for kids? Don't brake for anyone else? Oh, and how about that texting lingo on the signs? Way to teach the kids to spell, too!

And you know what? These fucking people probably think they've done their parental duty for keeping their kids safe by posting those signs. Never mind how about teaching your kids to stay the fuck out of the street. How to properly use crosswalks. Nope. Just put a sign up and place the burden on the drivers.

This is the same neighborhood with all the "Dennis!" (Kucinich) signs. Go fucking figure.

Hide Your Guns, Buckeyes! Dewine Is Back In Town

2010-11-03T07:23:00.002-04:00

WTF is wrong with people? I understand the desire to get the Liberals out of power in as many places as possible. Believe me, I 'm right there with you on that point. But, at what cost? Dewine was voted OUT of the U.S. Senate 4 years ago because he obviously is a RINO. I know the trend was to get all incumbents out of office, but for fuck's sake people, study who the fuck you're voting for before flushing your rights down the shitter! Voting blindly is like voting based on race. Look where THAT's gotten us! You numbfucks!

The only good thing is, Dewine isn't in a legislative position, so we may be o.k. Let's fucking hope so.

As for you Cuyahoga County voters, some 125,000+ of you anyway, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing voting for a judge, Bridget McCafferty, who is under INDICTMENT by the FBI for CORRUPTION?!!

Fuck having I.D. in order to vote. How about checking I.Q's?!!!?

WTF Happened to DanO?

2010-10-20T09:11:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I'm sure everybody's been asking that, right? RIGHT!

Well, rest assured I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. Yet. although if the November elections don't pan out, I may have to look into that.

Just haven't felt much like blogging for awhile. I do have a so-called life, ya know.

Spent some time with my youngest son and his girlfriend in their house in the Middle-of-Fucking-Nowhere, Alabama. Nice country. If it weren't so damn hot in the summer, I'd consider moving there myself.

A Pair Of What The Fucks

2010-09-21T07:14:00.003-04:00

1. WTF is going on over at Sheri Gilmour's site? I get the first 3 sentences or so of each post on my feed reader, but when I try going to read the rest of her posts I get this:

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access / on this server.

Additionally, a 403 Forbidden error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

Guess Sheri went private and is only serving a private class of elite readers these days. Too bad. She easily became one of my favorite bloggers in record time.

2. WTF is wrong with some people? I was driving home yesterday down the state route that leads into the metropolis that is LaGrange and there was this lady standing at her mail box reading her fucking mail! Along a 55mph roadway. Standing between the mailbox and the pavement. And Bertha Butt, one of da Butt sisters, was no small woman. Her ass was dangerously close to the white line.

Fuck lady, do what normal people do. Get your fucking mail then get the fuck out of the road right-of-way. Nobody wants your fat ass scraped along the side of their vehicle. Read your fucking mail in your yard or driveway or while nekkid sunbathing in your BACKyard!(urp!) Sorry, that one was probably not a pretty sight for you. Well, think about me. I actually saw her.

Ooh Fuckin' Rah!

2010-09-16T10:36:00.001-04:00

You've got to go read this story at Battle Rattle.

Fuckin' Pirates.

Link stolen from Parkway Rest Stop

Communist Health Partners: Anti-Smoking Nazis

2010-08-19T06:01:00.001-04:00

My philosophy on employers and employment is pretty basic. Employer needs someone to do certain tasks in order to maintain it's business and satisfy customer needs.

Someone with the necessary skills or ability to learn the skills necessary to complete those task agrees to work for X amount of compensation for Y number of hours per day/week whatever.

Said person is now an employee and subject to the employer's rules WHILE ON THE COMPANY'S TIME and BEING PAID.

When said employee punches out or leaves for the day and exits the company's property, said company's jurisdiction over what employee does ENDS. PERIOD.

As long as employee doesn't show up to work inebriated, under any influence of any illegal substance, doesn't lay around or screw up constantly and performs duties assigned by employer, the company has NO say in what employee does when NOT AT WORK.

If a company wants to control what the person does while not at work, they need to pay the person for 24 hours per day.

Sound ridiculous? Any more ridiculous than Community Health Partners latest intrusion into employees' PERSONAL life?

I don't think so. Why has this been allowed to happen in this country? Smoking is still legal, to some extent anyway. Why are people allowing the employers in this country to dictate what they can and can't do in their personal lives?

Maybe more importantly, what makes a business owner think they can control what someone does during the time that the company isn't paying them?

If I'm not being paid by someone, I'll do whatever I damn well please. Within the confines of the law and/or my personal morals. I only represent an employer DURING WORKING hours. NOT ON MY PERSONAL TIME!

To me this is the same as people not understanding the illegal part of illegal immigration. What part of PERSONAL TIME don't employers understand?

Again, WHY is this allowed to happen concerning a LEGAL activity on PERSONAL time? I know I'm repeating myself, but it appears it needs to be in order to get through to some people.

You Say You Want A Revolution

2010-08-17T11:13:00.002-04:00

Solar revolution #49 complete. What? What did you think I meant?

Friday The 13th

2010-08-13T06:58:00.002-04:00

Who cares? I don't need Friday the 13th to have a bad day. Have 'em all the fucking time. Besides, it's payday. That's a good thing.

As long as the HR Wench doesn't fucking screw up again and not deliver the checks to our building. Fucking useless cunt. Harps on me over and over for years to go direct deposit. Keep telling her as long as they offer a choice, I want a check. I don't need a reason. I made a choice from the options provided. Even have gone as far as telling her, my supervisor & my supervisor's boss that if they took the choice of getting a check away, I wouldn't bitch. BUT, as long as I'm given the choice, DON"T FUCKING HARASS ME FOR THE CHOICE I MAKE!

I've been told verbally and by email, multiple times, by the HRW that I should go direct deposit. I've had applications for DD in the envelope with my check. Last month when I had to leave work early and drive to the other building, 15 minutes away, to pick up my check because she was too fucking busy firing someone there to deliver them to our building, she had the balls to say, "This wouldn't happen if you had direct deposit." And handed me another application with my check. I said back to her, "As long as I'm given a choice, THIS shouldn't happen ANYWAY!" Fucking cunt! She's the epitome of incompetence, yet gets to fire OTHER people. May the fleas of 1000 dogs infest her vagina.

Other things have contributed to my shitty mood lately, but I'll maybe cover those later. Or not.

Have a great weekend. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Followed Link From...

2010-07-23T12:14:00.002-04:00

...Dax Montana

He gave 3 examples and got 3 results.

I did 5. One from 3 years ago, a couple from last year and 2 from this year. The first 3 all came up as:

I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

The 4th netted Stephen King, the 5th Kurt Vonnegut.

Not bad since I was expecting something along the lines of:

"Unable to find suitable match. You call that fucking writing? What do you do for a living, wash cars?

More Compost Than Com-Post

2010-07-11T12:52:00.004-04:00

Where as a Com-Post is a comment to someone else's post, grown into a post of my own. This is true compost; dug up from the pile of deleted posts archived on a super-double-secret CD hidden in a security rich chamber...oh okay. It's in a fucking drawer on my desk.

But, I dug it out after reading Sheri Gilmour's post: At Last, The Truth Can Be Told: I Don’t Like Children — Especially Yours — And I Never Have.

First posted September 2007:

Walked into Applebee's with my wife today to have lunch. (Her Birthday's tomorrow and I'm cheap, so what?)

The two ladies ahead of us got seated to the area just to the right of the Hostess stand where there was only one other booth, out of 6, occupied at the time with 2 people. There were also 5 or six tables in this area which were unoccupied at the time.

So, I think to myself good, nice open area, lots of open seating, we'll be following the hostess right up there too.

We step forward, "Just 2 please".

"Right this way please", heading left, up into another area similar to the first, also with only 1 or 2 tables/booths occupied. I'm thinking, okay, this will do also.

She keeps walking. Into yet a third similar area, where the first booth is occupied by a mother with one no- more-than-2 year-old sitting with her. So, I'm thinking, okay we're going to pass on through here into the fourth and final area (besides the bar area) where no one appears to be seated yet.

No. Such. Fucking. Luck.

Hostess walks past aforementioned booth with mom and terrible-twoer, and attempts to seat us next to another table in the same area with no less than 3, under-3 year-olds (of which at least 2 were up and out of their seats), and where a third table is already occupied by... I didn't notice because now I'm thinking, WTF? Fuck Murphy's Law, this is Rod Serling territory.

She smiles holding her hand out towards the table and asks (not really meaning it) "How's this?"

"No." Her smile fell like drunk off a bar stool at closing time.

Not sure if she was able to utter anything at this point, but I politely stated "Put us where there are no kids, please." She looks completely flabbergasted (isn't that a great word?) and looks around like she's never been in the restaurant before.

She heads back to the Hostess stand to confer with the Head Hostess, who's actually the one who sent us to Neverland to begin with, and get a new seat assignment.

When we reach the stand, I point to the area they had just seated the two ladies ahead of us in and said, " That area would be just great."

"Oh, okay." Like she had just discovered that the area existed. (anyone heard from Miss South Carolina lately? "I believe, that in so much as, these people want to have kids screaming in the Iraq, and as such, while South Africa doesn't have menus....")

"Thank you."

"Sure."

We sit down and I say to my wife what I really wanted to ask the Hostess, " Why in the hell would anyone send a couple our age, with no kids in tow, clear over to an area with no less than 4 toddlers in it when there's this area with only two booths occupied, and 2 other areas equally sans snot-licker's? What fucking sense does that make?" She couldn't understand it either.

And to punctuate our thoughts, about 2 minutes after our waitress took our drink order, a wailing, lung-emptying, crying scream was released from across the restaurant from, you guessed it, the area we were supposed to be occupying.

"Imagine if we had been sitting in that area.", I said. "Why don't people with kids that age go to McDonald's? They have playland and Happy Meals, don't serve alcohol and have other annoying screaming kids, because that's what they're geared toward"

There will be plenty of time for those diaper-fillers to ruin people's meals at real restaurants when they become irresponsible parents themselves.

Adventures In An ER

2010-07-02T12:02:00.005-04:00

Mrs. Dan O was having asthma related difficulties late last night and had an appointment for this a.m. with the doctor. (3rd time in as many weeks for the same thing) However, after a delightful 1 hour power nap from 9PM to 10PM, she awoke me to inform me she wasn't going to make it 'til morning. So, I got some socks from the dresser, opened the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt (more on this later), went around closing windows, turning off light s etc., and off we went to the friendly neighborhood (in small city 9 miles north) Emergency Room.

Mrs. Dan O went in to sign-in as I went to park the truck. The wait wasn't long, 10 minutes tops. Go in sit down, answer questions. "Name? Address? Insurance? Phone Number? Birth date? Height? Weight? Shoe size? Would you like fries with that? How about dessert?" No wait, that was last weekend at the diner. Oh and then they get to it. "Why are you here this evening?"

You could have a golf club shank sticking out of your skull (saw that one on TLC last weekend) and they will still ask you, "So, what brings you here today?" "Well, I have this ingrown toenail..." I know it's their job and they're just following protocol, but can we please be human and not robotic when dealing with sick people? Maybe not.

After Mrs. Dan O explains the situation and the data entry person is satisfied that we have the means to pay for whatever outlandish bill we're about to accrue she tells us to go sit next door in the next cubicle. Here we meet actual medical-type person who asks some of the same questions (though no fries or dessert were offered ), but this time actually takes some vitals and inquires a little deeper into the reason for arriving on their most-blessed doorstep. She then asks us to step into the next cubicle.

As we sit down again I peer back out in the direction we've been moving then say to my wife, "Well, there's no more cubicles, so they can't ask us to step next door again."

We are then escorted into the ER and Mrs. Dan O is given a bed and one of those ever-so-modest crack-exposing hospital gowns that we all know and love. Blood is drawn, EKG wires hooked up, vitals taken, questions asked and answered, doctor shows up in record time (anything under 60 minutes is a record), more questions/answers, breathing treatment given, taken to x-ray brought back and then the waiting begins for lab work and x-ray results.

Pulp Fiction-type flashback: The bed Mrs. Dan O was given is actually one of two in what is known as the Trauma Room. I know this because I drove an ambulance for 10 years while on the fire department. This means all the other ER beds must be full or they wouldn't have Young Boy With Broken Arm in one bed and my wife in the other in the Trauma Room. So, in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "So what happens if a trauma comes in now?" More on that in a little bit.

As the waiting continues, YBWBA is moved on over to another unit to await setting and casting of his arm.

Enter Woman With Cat Bite with Twelve Year Old Daughter Who Knows Everything and Ten Year Old Whiny-Ass Son, who are placed in recently vacated bed on the other side of not-so- private curtain. TYOWAS begins asking his mom about every fucking thing in the room. Mom sounds like she's spent some time around such equipment either as some sort of medical-type or a professional patient.

Anyway, a little comic relief (at least for me), heard behind not-so-private curtain:

Doctor: "So, what happened?"
WWCB: "A cat bit me here and here and now my finger is swelling and I can't move it."
Doctor: "Oh, so how's the cat?"
WWCB: "The cats no longer with us."

Oh I so wanted to fucking LOL!

Doctor leaves. Inquisition from TYOWAS continues. Along with arguing over which shit show to watch on TV. Meanwhile, every time TYOWAS raises his whiny-ass voice my wife stirs awake from her much needed rest. I had enough and walked over to their side of the not-so-private curtain and told WWCB "My wife is trying to rest over here, ("6 fucking feet from where your whiny-ass son and know-it-all daughter are acting like 4 year-olds" - I didn't add) can you please keep it down?"

Of course they could. For 30 fucking seconds, I swear. Then TYOWAS's voice rose to head-exploding pitch and then came the inevitable, louder-than-any-verbalized sounds so far, SHSHSHSHSHSHSH! Oh my fucking nonexistent god in the sky. Must I run into living fucking stereotypes every fucking time I go anywhere? The answer would be "Yes, Dan O. There are stereotypes for a reason. They're ALL fucking TRUE!"

Honestly, they were mostly tolerable after that and I give the WWCB credit, she knew I was right and did mostly make them act like they should in a public place if not exactly like they were in a hospital room. I'm glad SHE lives with them.

Finally one of the nurses comes back in and asks, "So, why are you taking Coumadin?" Mrs. Dan O and I look at each other, because we gave them a baggie and told everyone who asked, at least 10 times since we got there, that's all she's taking. 4 items. NO Coumadin. Well, blood tests show blah blah blah de fucking dah and that's what we see when someone is taking blood thinners. Sorry, blood test is wrong. NOT taking Coumafuckingdin. Not now. Not EVER. Blood. Test. Wrong.

Another blood draw. During which the nurse asks the pain-level question. "On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt, what is your pain level at the moment?" My wife answers "3." I tell the nurse that's her normal pain level that comes from living with me. I can't help myself being a wise-ass. It keeps me amused.

And after another blood test, previous test ruled in error. Go fucking figure.

So, back to one of my "more on that later" promises. I hear the squad call-in radio come to life and hear them saying they are in route with a full arrest. Which, I know, means they need one of the beds in the Trauma Room. Since WWCB and her annoying offspring were more ambulatory than my wife with all her wires and hoses, they were escorted to another now-empty bed in another room.

Great! They're gone. Soon to be replaced by many nurses, techs and doctors working to save a dead person's life. With us six feet away. Once the excitement was over and we got to listen to the death sounds of a tired old soul (all of which was more tolerable, though not exactly pleasant,than TYODWKE & TYOWAS), we were mobilized over to another room. Guess who was in the next bed? That's right! WWCB and her Annoying Offspring.

Luckily, within about 10 minutes she was discharged and in another 10 so was Mrs. Dan O. At 2:15am. Which is why I am home and able to bring you another exciting adventure in my existence. I got up with full intention of going to work this morning, but just couldn't shake the cobwebs. And well, fuck it. I need 4 days off.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Independence Day weekend!

Oh, and fuck Obama!

Oh! Wait! While proofreading (yeah I still miss shit, get your red pen out) I realized I promised a "more on this later" back in the opening paragraph.

Got home took off shoes and t-shirt and was going to lay on bed for remaining 3 hours until alarm would go off to go to work. Heard Oreo (our cat) quietly mewing. Not unusual except for the quiet and mewing. Usually more a loud, persistent meOWing. So, I turn to listen and look for her as she usually comes to get her fully-deserved (according to her), undivided attention. No Oreo. But, I still hear quiet mewing. RIGHT behind me. So, I slide open the closet door and out comes a well rested, but probably starving and dying of thirst, Oreo. 4 1/2 hours trapped in a closet because I didn't notice her going in while grabbing my clothes. Stupid cat.

Breaking News for June 25, 2010

2010-06-25T07:19:00.001-04:00

Generalissimo Francisco Franco AND Michael Jackson are still dead.

It's Not An Inheritance If You Bought It!

2010-06-23T06:54:00.002-04:00

While doing my nightly channel surf I came upon the tail end of one of the endless reports about the General who's about to get hosed for telling the truth about the current Commander-in-...fuck it, I can't type that title for this asshole. Anyway, the newscunt on the TV was, for the 1,234,591st time, saying how Obamalamafucknuts "inherited" the war.

No, you bleached-brain bimbo, he didn't inherit ANYTHING! He fucking pursued, lied, bad-mouthed and paid for everything he is now responsible for in his position. He WANTED to be in charge of the war. The war had been going on for 5 fucking years when he was campaigning.

All you MSM mouthpieces need to stop making (bad) excuses for this incompetent teleprompter-addicted, bullshitting, socialist, thug. He chased a dream, bought a nightmare and he, his admin and you media fucks still blame Bush.

Fuck you. Fuck your mama's. And FUCK OBAMA!

Obama Fail Number...

2010-06-22T07:06:00.003-04:00

...Oh, who the fuck can keep count?

Can somebody please tell me, what exactly is YOUR beloved Obamessiah doing about the catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico besides golfing, calling BP execs names, going to baseball games, reading teleprompter messages on TV that proclaim he is in charge, send Eric Holder down to find people to hold criminally responsible, take strolls on the beach and try to look like he's having a meaningful, fact-finding conversation with who-the-hell-knows?

I look at this way: The oil platform exploding, people dieing, and then ultimately billions of gallons of oil spewing into the water is an emergency situation which calls for emergency action. That means fucking immediately finding every possible resource on the planet to respond to the scene and contain AND stop the flow of oil. NOT holding fucking press conferences, pointing fingers, and claiming to be in charge. Jesus H. Fucking Christ! Barrack, you need to shut the fuck up and actually FUCKING DO SOMETHING!

Get a fucking clue asshole. Are you telling me, NOWHERE on this planet is there anyone with the expertise to stop the flow of oil underwater? I don't believe it.

The first priority for any emergency (actually the first priority would be to HAVE A PRE-PLAN of action) is to, again, IMMEDIATELY start gathering resources that specialize in said emergency's specific category. You do not rely solely on the individual or entity that was overseeing the scene where the clusterfuck took place. You get their input as to what happened, what their best plan of attack would be, IF they were still in charge ( cause see, once Emergency Services arrive on scene, it IS THEIR scene). Then gather the aforementioned experts (and I don't mean academe's, I mean real-world, hands-on people) and come up with a plan of attack.

Obama, you FAIL big fucking time as Chief of Anything! This spill should have been contained within a week. 6 -7 days. IF the RIGHT person had been in charge!

Obama, Gore And More Obama

2010-06-02T07:22:00.003-04:00

Barry forgoes the whole Arlington thing on Memorial Day. Wonder if he even knows there's a cemetery there full of dead heroes. Fuck him!

Al & Tipper are divorcing. Couldn't happen to a better couple. One believes rock-n-roll records harm children. The other believes he invented the internet and is going to save the planet from evil humans. Fuck 'em both.

I hear Eric Holder has been dispatched to the Gulf of Mexico.

To survey the damage and make plans for recovery, perhaps? No.

To check out other ways Barry and his band of merry pranksters can help with a solution for getting the leak stopped? No.

Or maybe to start a concerted effort with a team of experts to start cleaning up the waterways and coastline? No.

How about to investigate and pursue both civil and criminal charges against as many people and businesses as possible? Bingo!

Now there's some great fucking governmental assistance there, boy! While they're still struggling with stopping the leak, let's arrest somebody. That'll fix everything! Fuck Eric Holder and Obama!

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-28T10:28:00.002-04:00

Remember this weekend is not just about BBQ's and picnics. Hang a flag, go to a service, say a prayer if that's your thing. But think of those who sacrificed to allow you the freedoms we citizens of the U.S.A. enjoy every day. Then go have your picnics and enjoy!

Oh, and FUCK OBAMA! He's too busy vacationing to participate in Memorial Day services. What a pathetic excuse for a Commander-in-Chief!

My Cartoon For May 20

2010-05-20T12:12:00.002-04:00

Any mooselimb wants to kill me, I'll fuck YOUR 72 virgins and you'll get sloppy seconds!

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch!

2010-05-19T12:30:00.000-04:00

Another drought of posts. It's my signature. So many things to write about, I can't decide what to write so, I choose not to write anything. What. Ever.

Some shorts:

The Pant-Load-in-Chief was in Youngstown yesterday whining again about those damn Republicans and stupid people who don't like his heroic economy-saving policies. Go fuck yourself B. Hussein Obama! Flying around the country whining isn't helping anyfuckingthing. You're a foreign-born, unqualified fraud surrounded with incompetence at every position in your cabinet.

It's a great time to not be a sports fan in the Cleveland area. I love sitting back and watching all the bullshit fly over the highly overrated, immature, spoiled fucking brat who is Lebron James. All you people who thought, or still think, this choker was going to save the world and heaped your praise, hope and hard-earned cash upon him, are fools. He's just a fucking athlete. No super powers. Nothing deserving of so much misguided worship. When will you all learn to stop wasting money on such things? You feed their monster egos with millions of dollars and endless worship, then whine like spanked puppies and turn on them when they turn out to be nothing more than fallible human beings with natural talents that mean absolutely nothing useful to society.

Mean while, our troops are still at war, even though the administration and the MSM seem to be completely ignorant of that fact. Memorial Day is coming up. I'm sure they'll all take full advantage of that day to show how much they care. Notice the troop death count no longer appears in the papers. It's like the body count doesn't matter when it's on their watch.

About Obamalamadindong's birth certificate fiasco. What the fucking fuck? Isn't there some vetting process performed on everyone running for political office in this country? If not, there sure as hell should be! If this asshole can't produce a fucking birth certificate, he never should have been in the fucking Senate, let alone be President. I had to show a fucking birth certificate to sign up for baseball when I was 8 years old. WTF?

Well, shit. On the bright side, I've got a new box of cigars that should arrive today. There's cold beer and wine in the fridge. What the fuck do I have to complain about? Fuck Obama!

Incompetent Terrorist or Well Planned Diversion?

2010-05-06T12:24:00.003-04:00

After a brief hiatus, Namaste over at My Voice on the Wings of Change, has given me cause for a Com-Post (see sidebar), with her post Who Knows What To Believe Anymore.

I inadvertently, caught part of Perky Katie's report on this latest failed terrorist last night and when she was commenting on the lack of evidence of more terrorists being involved and how much he's been talking since his capture, I turned to Mrs. Dan O and said, he's a scapegoat and a diversion.

Then Perky Katie's story continued to compare this single individual's failed terrorist attempt and consequential, supposed stool-pigeoning with the previous "Underwear Bomber" and "Shoe Bomber". Asking the question why are these guys soooo cooperative with giving information after they've been caught?

Again I told Mrs. Dan O, "Because these fuckers are all scapegoats and diversions." While DHS and The One's administration are patting themselves on the back for stopping these, and probably still more, supposedly incompetent individuals, there's going to be a bigger, more well-planned terrorist strike involving many more terrorists and much bigger targets. And it will be successful because these diversions will be eating up precious resources and something's going to be missed that would alert to the bigger threat.

I hope I'm wrong. But think about it. All the successful attacks have been performed by numerous terrorists at once and at bigger and/or multiple targets. With pretty well planned precision. To carry off similar attacks now, requires just as well planned diversions in order to find the loop-holes in security.

Again, I hope I am wrong. But we shall see. As Namaste said, how much do you believe about what's coming out of this administration?

Refrigerator Art

2010-04-26T07:15:00.004-04:00

Or, "I don't want that shit on my vehicle!" I don't know how it is in other states (actually I don't know how it is here), but every few years, a new license plate is designed and for awhile it is optional to get the new plate. Then after a year or so, the new plate becomes mandatory with your next renewal date.

Well, last November this piece of shit was introduced and becomes mandatory this coming November.

It looks like something a third grader drew. I think Governor Strickland may have drawn it himself. No offense to any talented third graders out there. This shit belongs on someones refrigerator or at the Mall during the local school art show. It may look good, on say, a yellow VW Beetle or a fucking pansy-blue Prius. NOT on my black S10 pickup truck or many other fine vehicles.

Luckily, since I'm a veteran, I get a veteran's plate similar to this, albeit with Navy instead of Air Force and Veteran instead of Retired:

I can live that.

Today Is Punch A Hippie Earth Day

2010-04-22T07:18:00.003-04:00

And I wouldn't have known except for listening to the radio on the way to work today. Hell, if I had known today was Earth Day, I wouldn't have mowed my lawn last night. I would have waited for tonight.

No I'm not going to go find a hippie just to punch one today. But, I may just punch, albeit only verbally, the first person who says, "Happy Earth Day" to me.

I don't know about you, but I'M on Earth every day and I treat it the same EVERY day. What makes this one day so fucking special? Do they think one day of caring makes a difference? The Earth has been, and will be, around for billions of years. It has it's own Earth-saving devices and will do what it damn well pleases despite anything the human race does or doesn't do!

*Attention Al Gore and flock, please re-read the previous paragraph over and over until it sinks into your mush-bowl!*

Watched the news lately? Heard anything about a volcano erupting? Yeah, that's right Glory Hole or whatever your brain-dead parents named you, humans didn't cause that eruption. The fucking Earth is in control here and couldn't give two shits whether or not you haven't bathed for a month to conserve water, lest we run out. Of course those of us who happen to run into you really, REALLY, wish you would bathe. We're pretty sure the Earth will survive you not smelling like 5 weeks of rotting corpses.

Anything I do to "conserve" is done to conserve MY time and/or MY money. I'm not worried about the Earth. She's got a pretty good track record of taking care of Herself!

The Best Story...

2010-04-21T10:28:00.001-04:00

...is the one you CAN'T tell!! ;P

To steal a line from Dax: Just Damn.

Hey! It's Still Here

2010-04-14T07:18:00.004-04:00

This place looks vaguely familiar. Schismatic Pandemonium. Yeah, that rings a bell. I've been here before, I'm pretty sure. And I'm sure my 4.2 regular readers have missed me here, too. Heh.

"So, Dan O, WTF you been up to since neglecting to write your witty, insightful, profanity laden diatribes?"

Well, let me fuckin' tell ya. I've been doing that old, long beholden, traditional Springtime ritual known as 'getting the fuck outdoors' and (as my mama used to say) getting the stink blown off me.

You know the routine. Go spend big bucks on various environmentally unsafe chemicals to spread around the yard to make the grass grow, the weeds die and insects succumb to a painful, writhing-in-agony, legs-up death. What fun!

Then of course there's getting all the petroleum product-burning, foul emission- spewing, noisy ass implements of destruction ready to mow down all that luscious, beautiful, carpet soft, pretty green grass that I made grow at the speed of rain falling. Which, by the way, speaking of rain, keeps you from being able to mow. So that by the time you can mow, you end up with a fucking hay field and have to rake the fucking thing and why don't I just gravel or better yet pave this fucking yard so I don't have to go through this bullshit every year?

Other than that, just tidying up around, cleaning gutters, picking up winter debris like beer cans, juice cartons, plastic bags and such that people seem to have a hard time hanging on to as they pass the Dan O homestead.

Mrs, Dan O and I have started our evening walks as chores and weather permit. Which means that my cigar consumption has climbed from the almost non-existent wintertime count to 2-3 a week. Beer consumption tends to climb also (try to look surprised), though I don't do that while we're walking. That's done primarily while grilling several nights a week and while working outside or when we go out on weekends.

Since last I wrote, youngest boy made a quick trip back from 'bama to visit for 2 days. Of which we saw him for exactly 3 hours. Maybe. He spent first night getting gut-rotten pukin' drunk with gf and friends and managed to finally show up at our house around 12:30pm the next day. Stayed long enough for us to take him out for an early dinner then ghosted. Ah, well. I can't really blame him. I pretty much did the same thing when I was in the Navy. 3 day weekend, with 24 hours spent driving the round trip. Hard to get all that partying in AND see the parents. Proportionately, it's pretty even though, I guess. 2 parents, many friends. Parents get smallest number of visit credits. Just the way it is. Although Mrs. Dan O, and I suspect most mothers, don't see it that way.

Well, that's it for now. Next time, don't stay away so long!

SEE-ya!

Question For The Obama Flock

2010-03-26T07:15:00.002-04:00

Back about 3 years ago or so, when gasoline prices were closing in and surpassing $3 per gallon, the price gouging was all over the news as a major story. There was a rallying cry that President G. W. Bush was causing the price hikes due to his family ties to the Texas oil companies.

Well, kool-aid breaths, the price has been steadily rising and is once again rapidly closing in on $3 and I hear not a fucking peep from any MSM source or from you Obamamessiah sheeple!

What the fuck? You're all too busy getting your share of that "free Obama money, or what? Speak up you ignorant, Socialist-loving, America-hating, numbfucks! Can't figure out a way to blame Bush anymore and you can't blame The Muslim Messiah, so the same thing that was a earth-shattering catastrophe a few years ago, is no big deal now?

Keep drinking the kool-aid. It's doing wonders for your already atrophied gray matter.

Ramblings Of A Distressed Mind

2010-03-25T07:03:00.002-04:00

...never mind.

My Message To Congress, Obama And Morons Supporting The Health Scare Bill

2010-03-22T12:42:00.003-04:00

Depending on where you go for the numbers, there is anywhere from 36 million to 48 million people without health insurance in the U.S.. That amounts to 12 - 17% of the 305 million population.

Some of those 12 - 17% CHOOSE to be without insurance because they can afford their own health care. But still, the Congress and the ~~President~~ Dictator are well on their way to destroying the Constitution, everything it stands for, the economy, health care itself (as Medical workers flee the profession), and this Country, all the while KNOWING it is NOT what the MAJORITY of the TAX PAYING public wants, to help less than 12 - 17% of the people.

I'm not saying it with just letters. I'm going to say if clearly.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Condolences To The Family Of Officer James Kerstetter

2010-03-17T07:28:00.003-04:00

The first Elyria Policeman to be lost in the line of duty in 68 years.

I have more to say on this subject, but suffice it to say I'm glad that swift and deserving justice was served following Officer Kerstetter's murder.

Two Completely Unrelated Topics-Pat Sajak & Karen Fike

2010-03-11T12:17:00.009-05:00

Wheel of Czardom?

Caught the end of Wheel of Fortune one night this week. Don't remember, could have been last night. Anyway, at the end of the show Pat and Vanna usually have a short exchange about one thing or another at Pat usually has some sort of parting quip. Well, on this night he tongue-in-cheek said that he'd been made the Game Show Czar by the White House.

I just thought that was funny, hearing him apparently making fun of Obama and his Cabinet of Czars. Not something I was expecting from Pat Sajak. I don't know. Maybe I'm behind on things. Is Pat a Conservative?

Westlake Wackos

Some Westlake (Cleveland suburb) loony-toons are protesting a policeman who shot an attacking dog, attacking the policeman that is, and are demanding he be fired. Karen Fike, one outspoken (read Big FUCKING mouth-no brain) activist was screaming about the dog not getting it's due process. She said in this country everybody gets due process. "You don't just shoot someone based on what they might do."

Dear Karen Fike,

If you had an ounce of actual sense in your fucking vacuous cranium, you'd know that shooting someone on what they might be capable of doing, particularly causing serious bodily injury or death, is EXACTLY what you do! You DEFEND yourself. Be it man or beast. If the threat is imminent and reasonable to any normal thinking PERSON, then deadly force is allowable by law if retreat is not reasonably possible or would not remove the threat.

Secondly, due process as proclaimed in the Constitution, is for HUMANS. An animal doesn't have the same rights as people no matter how much you fucking fur-brains believe they do. NO. SIT. SHUT-UP.

And before you start calling me an animal hater, I'll have you know you are dead wrong. I think most animals are great. If you tenderize and cook them right.

Seriously, I do love animals. BUT, I also am intelligent enough to know that they ARE animals and no matter how domesticated you may think any animal to be, there is still that deep-down natural instinct to defend, fight and yes, kill that can't be bred out. And you never know when or how that may be triggered.

So, the fact that Wonder Puppy has NO HISTORY of biting anyone, does NOT mean the instinct isn't there. And speaking of isn't there. You and none of your partners-in-protest were there when the policeman was under threat of attack. And why wouldn't he have shot the second dog on the property if he is such an evil person. You said yourself that you don't know the man, so how can you be judging him on what you do know?

Please, go home and shut the fuck up! At least until you grow a brain and the minutest of understanding how the REAL world operates.

Very truly yours,

Dan O

Simple Fun With Simple People

2010-03-08T07:15:00.004-05:00

Had some fun with a nimrod who hit "Reply All" instead of "Reply" on an email sent to him by a third party. The numbfuck was admonishing sender for sending him pro-republican photos and propaganda and in very clear language told him to stop or he would "report it as SPAM". He then ended his little message by stating "The democrats and that black man in the white house are the devil." (wtf?)

Seems like at least a slightly confused, early dementia suffering, old fool. So I did what was necessary to calm the fool down. Well, maybe not. I sent a simple 3 word email, by hitting "Reply". It read, verbatim: "what a dick".

Simple. With interpretation left wide open. It doesn't clarify to whom I was referring. I could have been agreeing with Tim, that's the numbfuck who clicked on "Reply All", that the person sending him the unsolicited and unwanted emails was a dick. (which I wasn't) Or I could be referring to Tim, that's the numbfuck, as a dick. (which I was). (hook)

Well, yesterday upon checking my email, I discovered that Numbfuck Tim did indeed conclude I was referring to him and responded. (line)

Within his email to me he mentioned I was brave to fan the fire(?), that I hurt his feelings, that he hadn't meant for anyone to see his reply except the original sender and that he had already asked the person to stop sending his "one-sided" propaganda and he had just (I'm paraphrasing here) lost his cool. He also stated that if he had sent me porn and I asked him to stop, that he would do so out of respect for my wishes.

Well, we'll see. Because I sent him a reply that it didn't take bravery to reply to an email, I called them as I see them and there was no mention in his "Reply All" message of the previous times he'd asked the sender to stop. I also asked about his "or I'm going to report it as SPAM", threat and asked if there were SPAM police I didn't know about.

I then called him on his "out of respect" line by requesting that he not reply to my email. (sinker) We'll see.

I also added a P.S. to the original sender of the propaganda (whom I BCC'd the thread) telling him to refrain from sending Tim anymore email for fear of ending up on the FBI's most wanted SPAMmers list.

I know. Now I'M being a dick. (No offense, Dick) What little amuses me sometimes amazes me too.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Work?

2010-02-28T18:42:00.003-05:00

Just John who's Write on the Right blog is one of the first blogs I started reading regularly several years ago, responded to my request for inquiries by suggesting the proposed repealing of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the Military.

Honestly, since I was out of the Navy before this policy became official, I never paid much attention to it and am not fully aware of it's actual content or impact.

I think my reaction then and now though is that don't ask, don't tell was always the practice if not the regulation concerning homosexuals in the military. All the policy did was make it official.

I served onboard 2 different Guided Missile Destroyers back in the early '80's and there were shipmates whom most considered to be gay. I know for a fact at least 3 of them were from an overheard conversation I heard from my rack (bed, for you none MIL types). They either didn't know I was there or thought I was sleeping by the content of the conversation.

There were never any incidents that I remember. No groping or rapes or beatings or anything. Like a lot of things, leave it alone until it's actually a problem and there generally won't be a problem.

I don't think being homosexual alone is cause to be discharged. If there is some type of disciplinary problem it should be dealt with on that level regardless of known or unknown sexual preferences.

I'm not sure what they hope to accomplish by repealing the policy anymore than I understood putting it into place to begin with. Policy or not, there are those who will accept gays and those who won't and those who will react and those who won't.

Policies rarely stop the fanatics, on either side, of any cause.

Hot Dogs Choking Hazard For Kids

2010-02-28T17:22:00.003-05:00

Freddie of Warts & All left a comment on my earlier post asking for post topics. She didn't exactly ask a question or request that I post about the hot dog labeling and/or redesign, but she mentioned it and that's close enough for me.

Another group of nothing-better-to-do morons has spoken. American Academy of Pediatrics lists hot dogs and several other foods that can cause choking hazards if not chewed properly.

Really? You lab rats figured that out all by your selves? Fucking jello can be a choking hazard.

Who are these ignorant people. Another group of lab coat wearing book-heads that are just as separated from the real world as the numbfuck politicians who will probably follow their advice and pass hot dog dimensioning laws. But, what are they gonna do about the grapes? Are they aware that grapes are grown and not manufactured? I'd guess there's a good chance they aren't aware.

From the Washington Post

“The nation's largest pediatricians group is calling for sweeping changes in the way food is designed and labeled to minimize children's chances for choking. Choking kills more than 100 U.S. children 14 years or younger each year and thousands more - 15,000 in 2001 - are treated in emergency rooms. Food, including candy and gum, is among the leading culprits, along with items like coins and balloons. Of the 141 choking deaths in kids in 2006, 61 were food-related.”

Are you fucking kidding me? We're discussing changing how food is designed because of 61 deaths in a year? And that's only a little more than 43% of all choking deaths for the same year. The rest are caused by items that the fucking parents should be making sure their kids don't have access to in order to put in their mouth.

And another notice to parents of small children. If your child isn't chewing his/her food properly maybe you need to switch them back to baby food. Which by the way can also be aspirated. Well shit, maybe we should just surgically implant all newborns with a GI tube and feed them that way until they're 18 years old.

Who's Been Reading Dan O's Blog

2010-02-24T12:46:00.001-05:00

WTF?

Do Inquiring Minds Want To Know Give A Shit?

2010-02-24T12:08:00.003-05:00

This will either be interestingly entertaining or a complete failure. I'm actually expecting the latter since I only have 5 or 6 regular readers, but I've never claimed to do this blog for my ego or counter hits.

If anyone out there has a question or a topic they would like me to expound on here with my usually tactful and insightful prose, leave a comment to this post and I will create a post based on it. I'll answer just about anything personal as long as it won't put me in any kind of legal bind due to statute of limitations or prior statements which may become contradictory. I also would not be able to post about things like nuclear fission or fusion as it is beyond my ability.

Make it serious or silly, ask me what deodorant I use. Or if I use deodorant. Ask me my opinion on reshaping the hot dog due the current structure being a choking hazard. The field is wide open, barring the aforementioned legalities.

So, any inquisitors out there?

[chirp] [chirp] [chirp]

UPDATE: Guess not! We now return you to normal blog programming.

Older And Wiser Apathetic

2010-02-18T10:19:00.000-05:00

Or "Things I Just Don't Give A Shit About." Because I am wiser and realize people and events are the way they are and as long as their actions don't directly impact my life, fuck 'em.

Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods' SUV accident. Tiger Woods' dick or where it's been. Whether or not Tiger Woods is sorry and wants to, or ever does get to, play professional golf again. He's having a press conference tomorrow to tell the forgiving sheep that he's sorry, blah,blah fucking blah. I will do everything in my power not to hear one word uttered by this scumbag. Fuck him. Hope his wife takes him for everything he's got and more. The next video or pic I want to see of Tiger Woods, is him laying in a gutter somewhere pissing himself.

Michael Jackson. Didn't like him. Didn't like his music. Didn't like his dancing. Didn't like his relationship with little boys, whatever it was or wasn't. Don't like his fucking low-life, has-been family for sucking every last available cent they can out of his death. And shame on the people supporting their blood-sucking rape of his death.

The Olympics. It's just another sporting event. Just don't care. If you like it, watch it. Don't act like it has some huge lasting impact on life in our world. And stop talking about a fucking hockey team from 30 years ago. If the last prideful thing to talk about happened 30 years ago, shut up! It maybe should have mattered for about a week. For those that it mattered to at all.

There are many other things for me not to give a shit about. But I just don't give a shit about listing anymore right now.

SEE-ya!

Who Falls For This Shit?!

2010-02-11T12:05:00.002-05:00

Please, I'm begging. SOMEBODY please tell me there is nobody out there who would read the following and actually respond to it thinking they were going to get anything other than fucked. Tell me now. NOW, dammit!!

I receive this shit all the time, and delete it without so much as a glance. But, I do take a peek every few months just see if the quality of the spam ever really improves. After reading this:

CONTACT FEDEX COMPANY FOR YOUR BOX - ATTENTION!!! I have been waiting for you to come

ATTENTION!!!

I have been waiting for you to come down here and pick your $1.500 000.00 USD but I did not heard from you.Then I went and deposited the $1.500 000.00 Million USA Dollars,as a consignment boxes to FEDEX COURIER COMPANY BENIN BRANCH. in Benin Republic,because I travelled to SAUDI ARABIA and i will not come back till next month end. I want You to contact the FEDEX COURIER COMPANY BENIN BRANCH. to know when they will deliver your consignment boxes to you. Please i want to let you know that only the director knows the content and no body else knows about this only Dr.Allen uba the director So please waist no time in contacting them with the below information. I have paid for the delievery fee so the only money you have to send to them now is the security keeping fee of your consignment.Please i will advice you to be friendly with Dr.Allen uba the director because he alone have the idea of the content of your consignment.But i want to let you know that i did not give him the key !
of the boxes so please take note t
CONTACT PERSON; ALLEN UBA
DIRECTOR FEDEX COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRANCH.
E-mail:(fedexcompanyltd@hosanna.net
(www.fedex.com)

CONTACT PHONE+22998672127 Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid increasing the security keeping fee I gave them your delivering address but you have to reconfirm it to them again to avoid them making mistake in delievering your consignment to your home reconfirm below information to the company immediately and tell them to send to you the airwaybill reciept as soon as you send them the security fee. I would have paid the security fee for you but they said no because they dont know when you will contact them so please they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid mistake in delivery. and let them know also that they should waist no time in sending to you the tracking number of your consignment so that you can be able to track it and know when it will arrive your country.

Your Full Name-----------------------
Your Address---------------------------
Home telephone---------------------
Office telephone---------------------
Your pic----------------------------------

Let me know as soon as you receive your consignment,and check the contents weather the complete of the total $1.500 000.00 million united states dollars is in it. Please always call them to know the condition of this three boxes because you know the content so please let it be very important to you So try and do everything possible to make sure that this three boxes gets to your home with out any delay.
Warmest Regards

Mr.PETER MIKE

I am comfortable in saying "No, it does NOT improve." First of all it looks like it was written by someone with about a third grade education. I would hope nobody over the age of say, potting training would ever respond to something so childish.

Anyone who does, deserves whatever ill comes their way without any protection from any law enforcement agency. In fact they should have their computers and any other electronic communication devices taken from them for life.

Another Working Class Conservative Com-Post?

2010-02-08T12:27:00.003-05:00

You betcha! I told you JMK was a guy you should be reading. Here's my Com-Post to his post The Left’s Virulent Corruption of Contemporary SCIENCE...

Unfortunately, the lie was told for so long that the media is now saturated with commercials for corporations who are "saving the planet" and therefore still perpetrating the lie.

It's all over the news, too. Just last night I caught the teaser for an upcoming story on how the climate change is threatening the growing of hops and "oh my, oh dear, what's that going to do to the beer prices".

It seems every industry is trying to cash in on the fucking "green" movement. And the sheeple are all too willing to follow the lying fucktards like Algore.

I'm all for saving myself a buck, but too much of the green bullshit is just that, bullshit. And not cheaper bullshit. Save the planet by buying an over-priced hybrid car that uses less petroleum BUT, that depletes rare earth elements that there aren't nearly as much of as the petroleum. WTFF? And then the problem of disposal of all those huge batteries. Double WTFF?

The lie has interwoven itself so deeply into the sheeple's minds that the damage is nearly irreversible. And even though some (not Algore, as JMK stated) are starting to see the err of their ways, it's too late for those of so feeble of minds as to fall for the fucking scam in the first place to see, and/or admit, that it WAS a fucking scam.

The Greenies are just as fucking dangerous as the Muzzies. They're just too fucking ignorant to even know how dangerous they are.

Com-Posting One Of The Greats

2010-02-04T12:22:00.003-05:00

Haven't Com-Posted for awhile. Here I Com-Post one of my favorite and longest read bloggers, JMK, (if you're not already ready reading him, start now!) and his post about Scott Roeder and his date with death.

JMK pretty much stated my view on abortion, also. I really don't understand the all-or-nothing crowd, on either side, on such things.

Obviously the libs' view, as JMK stated, the polar opposite of their death penalty view, makes NO sense. (Surprise!)

And the other side, claiming compassion for the unborn, but thinking it's okay to kill someone performing a (for now) legal medical procedure, because they themselves don't believe it is right, are just as hypocritical.

Fanatics are fanatics. And regardless of which side of an argument they're on, being a fanatic is usually being ignorant. Most adults should know that not all things are black and white. (fuck you Al & Jesse, that's NOT racist) Shades of gray are viable and acceptable in many of life's situations.

Scott Roeder committed a heinous, premeditated MURDER. Period. There is NO argument for sparing his life. None. Zero. He never denied the murder. Only tried to justify it with ridiculous blather. No remorse.

As far as I'm concerned, in cases like this, the bailiff should be ordered to lay plastic down on the courtroom floor and the Judge should trade his gavel for a 9mm, and empty the clip. Fuck him and his appeals.

How's that for black and white?

"Hey Dan O, Did You Catch The One's SOTU Speech Last Night?"

2010-01-28T12:17:00.002-05:00

Not only no, but fuck no! I don't watch those pat-on-the-back pep rallies when it's a Prez I voted for or like. I'm certainly not going to watch the current Comrade-in-Chief go on and on and on and on ad nauseum about how everything that's still wrong after a year in office is still Bush's fault. How disappointed he is in Congress being unable to pass a Healthcare bill and blaming the Republicans for it. Even though, Mister Fucking Obamessiah, you fucking well know the Democrats don't need a single vote from a Republican to pass anything. What a pant-load.

Besides I had infinitely more important things to do last night. Like start watching season 3 of Dexter on DVD. Watching a fictional account of a serial killer is much more important and for that matter, more realistic than anything Barry HUSSEIN Ofuckyourmama has to say.

The tide is turning and the tidal wave is coming in November. Fuck you, Obama! Shut your mouth or drown.

(Yes, my personal moratorium on posts political is temporarily suspended when I feel the need to vent. Yes, I do feel better. Thanks for asking.)

And Now For Something Completely Different

2010-01-21T12:21:00.002-05:00

The last offspring has flew the cuckoo's nest. All the way to Alabama. Damn, boy! When I kept hinting, ever so unsubtly, that I'd like the use of my basement back and that you could move out anytime, I didn't mean you had to move all the way to fucking 'Bamy.

Youngest son finally got a chance to go back to his conductor job at Norfolk-Southern after being laid-off for a year. The choice of 4 or 5 locations, all out of state. He found out between Christmas and New Years that he was going to Alabama. He's in-state as of about 11:40am with a couple hundred miles to go.

Guess I know where Mrs. Dan O and I are going for our next trip. Sweet Home Alabama.

Shit! That means I have to clean the basement now!

Check It Out

2010-01-15T10:19:00.003-05:00

A co-worker heard about a blog on the radio this morning and told me about it. Go check out Sleep Talking Man It's hilarious, even if unbelievable.

Simon Dan O Says "You Suck!"

2010-01-13T10:21:00.007-05:00

I was listening to the Cleveland classic rock station this morning, for about 3 minutes, until I realized all they were doing was shilling for that whoreable (yes, I spelled that the way I mean it) show, American Idol.

The station I was listening to is owned by CBS and the gist I got, in the time I heard them ass-kissing, is that's the network that carries AI. I wouldn't know. However many seasons that crud has been on TV, I've honestly probably seen 15 minutes or less, total. All completely Mrs. Dan O's fault. She occasionally watches after the cesspool has been drained down to 10 ~~turds~~ contestants. I can't watch even then.

I wait until the winners or runners-up get their contracts and watch them on real shows. If they're really any good and I like their style of music. The first ~~gay~~ guy who won was that Clay Aiken, I believe. Can't even look at him let alone listen to his caterwauling.

The ones I can watch are Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Kelly Pickler. Complete coincidence they're all female. And two of them sing country, not my favorite. As far as I know they're the only ones to actually have careers after surviving that terrible show.

Can't believe this piece of shit has survived for so many years. And why on a regular network channel? Shouldn't MTV or VH-1 have this show? Oh. nevermind. I forgot neither of those channels has ANYTHING to do with music anymore. Just what the fuck does the M in MTV stand for? Moron would be more accurate and my final answer. I no longer have MTV in my channel lineup so I can't watch it even accidentally. Don't even miss it.

And VH-1? It's nothing but pimp-the-ho's and select-a-slut shows. And what a choice of ho's and sluts it is. Some ugly ass bitch who calls herself New York. That must just be her last name because her first has got to be Slumsof.

I don't know how many different shows of this ilk there are, but I have yet to see any women I would even want a choice of. All fake tits, fake lips, caked on makeup, IQ's barely matching their age and the personality of a Dr. Scholl's odor eater.

As far as I'm concerned VH-1 can leave my lineup, too. The videos they have on once or twice a week are terrible. I'd rather watch CMT and I'm not even a fan of Country Music!

Dear Global Warming Alarmists,

2010-01-08T06:54:00.002-05:00

Kiss my frozen fucking ass.

If you really believe that polar bears at the north pole or anywhere else are in danger due to melting ice bergs (they're not), you can trek on up there and bring them to northeast Ohio for the winter and they will survive here just as well. That's if you have the time and can get your head out of your asses so you can see to make the trip.

Peace, Love and Ammo,

Dan O

P.S. Did I mention kiss my frozen ass?

The Mind Works In...

2009-12-23T06:55:00.002-05:00

...a fucked up way.

Got a song stuck in my head yesterday. Never occurred to me why. I hadn't heard it for quite some time. But, there it was. Over and over. Even laid awake for 2 hours this morning with it going in my head.

Look at this photograph.
Every time I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?

The song Photograph by Nickelback.

Every time I do hear it, it reminds me of a friend who passed away the year it was all over the airwaves. Not that I have more than a couple of photos of him. More the fact that it's a reminiscent song. About the things that happened way back when. Good and bad.

Like I said it was all over the radio in 2005 and I liked it from the first time I heard it. And when my life-long friend passed away, I just kinda tied the song to my memory of him. 4 years ago, I lost a friend and gained a tie to a song that will always remind of him.

And for some reason, even though all day and night that song and my memory of my friend kept going in my head, I couldn't figure out why.

Then this morning, while getting ready for work, it hit me. It was 4 years ago YESTERDAY that my friend passed away. Now why the fuck couldn't my mind just bring that up instead of fucking with me all day and night?!

Getting something in my eye making it hard to type anymore.

Missing you Frank!

Troy A. Clarke Is Still A Douchebag

2009-12-11T17:33:00.006-05:00

I occasionally check out my Sitemeter stats just to see what pulls in 5 -10 people a day to my humble, shadowed corner of the blogosphere. (Btw, thank you to my ~~fate~~faithful readers. If you all lived closer I'd invite you over to share a 6-pack.)

Over the last several weeks (months?) I've noticed a random visit from gm.com in Bloomfield, Michigan. Every time I've noticed this I saw they were referred by Google Search with the search term "Troy A. Clarke." Well, I knew they were entering on the page from June 11th of this year when I posted An Open Letter To GM President Troy A. Clarke.

The most recent visit from gm.com was on Dec. 8th. So I decided to do a little more research today. I checked Page Ranking by Entry Pages and found this page is ranked second behind only the main page of my blog.

This piqued my curiosity even more, making me wonder how many Google search result pages were these GM employees going through to click to my blog.

So, I went to Google and typed in Troy A. Clarke. No quotation marks. And guess what?

I'M NUMBER FUCKING ONE out of over 2,600,000 results for this numbfuck! A blog that gets less than 300 hits a month!!

(click-it to big-it)

I would have never believed it. I figured the only way I'd ever be #1 in a search was if you entered the name of my blog AND my name.

The only question left is, why are all these GM people searching Troy's name on Google in the first place? Or maybe, it's Troy himself checking. Hoping my page will disappear from the search list.

Sucks to be infamous, huh Troy? You taxpayer/customer-fucker you. How's it feel calling Obama "massa?" Drink the hemlock you asshole.

P.T. Barnum Way Off Target

2009-12-11T13:20:00.001-05:00

Ever heard of the Pet Rock? (just,wtf?!) Slime? (chemically made snot, ok, yeah, but I was like 10) Silly Putty? (it says it right there in the damn name!) Pocket Fisherman? (sounds like a pervert) Man-made Global Warming? (fucking please!) Or the cluster-fuck-a-minute Obama administration? (no need to say more)

Each one of those, and many,many more, could be a post all it's own and the last two, hundreds of posts. But, I'll leave those for the more talented. For now.

What I'm talking about today is, one of the latest things to make other people rich while the fools keep perpetuating their stupidity by being sucked into the hype and buying (or voting for) useless crap: the Snuggie!

What the flying fuck is wrong with you people? Who could possibly watch one of those commercials, see people wearing this cloth abortion and say, "Yeah, I gotta get me one of those! Honey, bring me the phone and the credit card!" ?

This past weekend Mrs. Dan O and I went to Kmart, sorry, SUPER Kmart and the first middle-of-the-aisle display blocking entrance to the rest of the store was their own version (I don't remember what they call it) which they proudly advertise as a "blanket with sleeves!" No you fucking douche drinkers, it's a fucking robe and you're wearing it BACKWARDS! Go buy an X-Large or XX-Large, robe and put it on backwards! You'll look just as fucking stupid AND get a belt to tie it shut in back and keep your ass warm, too!!

Oh, and please, please, please, wear it to your next outdoor event you attend. Hopefully I will be there and can tell you to your face how fucking stupid you must be because you look like you belong in the psyche ward somewhere. Except most psychos wouldn't be caught dead in what you are wearing. So just who should really be locked up to keep from hurting themselves? With you, all we'll have to do is tie those sleeves from your BACKWARDS ROBE behind your back and you'll have a custom straight-jacket!

You know what, if you can't figure out how to wear a sweater or sweatshirt or how to get your arms out from under a blanket to answer the phone (that's a great actress in that commercial there, huh?) you probably shouldn't be aloud out in public and DO need to be locked up under supervision somewhere; wearing Depends and sweatpants so you don't hang yourself trying to undo your pants to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, P.T. was just a little shy of the target number of fools born every minute. But, back then, there weren't TV commercials helping expose the PIB's. (Poor Ignorant Bastards)

I Hate Shopping

2009-12-05T13:52:00.004-05:00

Wait. Let me qualify that further. I hate Christmas shopping. For a number of reasons. First of all, I have a enough of a problem the rest of the year shopping for myself. Do I need the extra pressure of shopping for someone else? The pressure of what to get. Will they like it? Will they (still) think I'm cheap? Do I fucking care?

I told my wife today, before leaving to go shopping for the third fucking time in 25 1/2 hours, that I don't like other people buying me stuff. She had mentioned she still needed to finish shopping for me. I told her bullshit, I know she's already bought stuff for me and I don't want her buying anything else for me. I have enough trouble picking out or finding what I want. I certainly don't want other people picking out shit for me. I know what I like better than anyone. Let ME shop for me. Otherwise I end up with some of the stuff just being uselessly put away because it isn't anything I would ever by for myself. I wouldn't buy it for myself because I don't like it or think it's overpriced for what it's worth to me.

Bottom line is, I like to pick out my own stuff. Whether that stuff is clothes, CD's, DVD's, a vehicle, a hat, a tool, whatever. I know what I like or want better than anybody. Shake my hand tell me "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" or whatever and I'd be a happy son of a bitch that you were even thinking about me. I don't need or desire your material offerings. Unless it's check or cash. heh heh

The other reason I wanted to tell you about that makes me hate shopping in general are those annoying, inconsiderate, mind game playing, lying, leeches that certain (read most) sales people resemble. And don't tell me it's just your (their) job.

I see your kiosk, store, merchandise, whatever and I will approach you if I have any interest in or questions about anything. Simply make yourself available. Don't leave your kiosk in the Mall and walk up to me as I am walking BY, (as in NOT stopping), trying to entice me. Don't try talking me into any product or deal I haven't shown an interest in. You DON'T know what I need, don't try to convince me otherwise unless I have asked you directly what I need in order to perform some function.

And NEVER, EVER call or email me. I did not knowingly give you permission, even if somewhere in your convoluted "Users Agreement" it says I did. If I'm able to wade through all your bullshit and figure out how, let it be known, I WILL opt out of receiving ANYTHING EVER other than what I order and pay for!

Now, to be fair, I must say I know not all stores or sales people fall within these parameters I have described. And those of you who do will never admit to being that way anyway because you're just assholes by birth.

I've been impressed the last few times at Best Buy (tm) where the sales people were actually available, helpful, pleasant and not on commission, i.e. not forceful. What a change of pace!

If I say I'm just looking, damn it, I'm JUST LOOKING! Blowing me off later and not answering questions or trying to force something on me certainly isn't going to earn you a sale. I promise.

And for those about to say, "well, I am on commission". THAT is YOUR problem. If the product you're selling is viable and worth a shit, and what I'm looking for, it should sell itself. If you have to cram something down someone's throat, there's just something wrong with that. Find somewhere else to work or something else to sell. And if you can't understand that then you are wasting good oxygen, please kill yourself. The herd needs thinned.

Excercising My 2nd Amendment Right

2009-11-29T21:46:00.002-05:00

Hi-Point C9

I Hate When That Happens

2009-11-27T21:47:00.002-05:00

TMI Alert! TMI Alert! TMI Alert!

Chatting with a friend on Facebook last night, I'll call her Reese (see if she figures that one out), I mentioned I was going to a Chinese buffet for lunch today. Which managed to put me in the perpetual doghouse since she had told me she was going to a "Burn off the gravy" workout as part of her diet regimen. The only reason I bring this up is the irony that this evening I'm squirting gravy due to something I ate at the buffet today. Also, because she thought that, because I told her about my blog, that now I wouldn't write anything about her. Sorry, Reese. I thought that sounded like a dare.

I am such an ass.

Speaking of ass.....

Okay, I'm back. Sure wish I knew which of the dozen or so things I ate caused this so I could avoid it next time. I don't have cramps or anything, I've just got those annoying high pressure, shoot-up-on-the-bottom-of-the-seat, brown gravy squirts, blues. How's that for the title of a song? Yea, well. Same to you.

Kidney Stone, Rolling Stones & Wine

2009-11-24T12:15:00.004-05:00

Mrs. Dan O is home from the hospital. Yea! When Mrs. Dan O is sick, we all suffer. You can figure for yourself how to take that statement. I will NOT elaborate.

After two trips to the ER, within 3 days, with severe pain and nausea from a moving kidney stone; two subsequent trips home with prescriptions that do little to nothing for either her pain or nausea; a call to her doc with a promise to admit her upon another trip to the ER in order to start the process (it was a Sunday); she was finally given the relief and the I.V. fluids necessary to flush the offending jagged edged pebble out this a.m..

Of course that was after I had to set the ER doc straight when he came to see her after more than 4 hours in an ER bed. He walks in and says "I'm sending you out of here with..." and proceeds to mention more prescriptions and mumbo-jumbo, condescending smegma, when I said, "No, you were supposed to talk to Dr. Has-A-Clue and have her admitted. She's been sent home twice since Wednesday and obviously isn't getting any relief from what's being prescribed." He didn't utter another word. Just walked out. Went to the nurse or tech or whoever was behind the counter and told her to contact Dr. Has-A-Clue. Within the hour we were informed she was being admitted. No fucking surprise since we knew that 5 hours earlier when we walked through the front door and I had made sure to tell everyone who asked us any questions concerning why we were there. Everyone was aware she was to be admitted, except Dr. Needs-A-Clue-And-Personality.

So, anyway, this all meant that I was on my own for the second night in a row last night and I proceeded to uncork a bottle of my favorite grape juice and turn up the stereo w/ my favorite Rolling Stones CD, Some Girls. I then proceeded to log on to Facebook and have some fun conversation revolving around homemade candy, dieting, drinking and how mean I was to be talking about the candy and drinking to some one dieting. I suppose you had to be there. I was. It was fun and the grape juice helped me sleep really well.

Fleas, Guns And Rednecks

2009-11-14T17:15:00.002-05:00

Mrs. Dan O and I went to the flea market today since we knew the weather was going to be nice and there would be plenty of outdoor vendors. They're the ones with the ~~good cheap junk~~ fine, previously-owned, sensibly priced merchandise.

I walked out with 3 used CD's and Mrs. Dan O got a new purse among other things (all new). Hmm...wait a minute. I got used stuff and everything she bought is new. wtf?

Anyway, after 2 hours of browsing and a lunch at Wendy's we were trying to decide what to do next. I suggested we could go to FFFO and look at handguns, thinking it would go over like the proverbial overweight dirigible. To my surprise, she said sure. So, off we went.

Big mistake. Parking lot full to overflowing. People were parked on the embankments surrounding the parking lot. Across the access road there's a gravel parking lot nearly as big as the paved one. It was full. I wanted to turn around and leave. My wife said, " No, let's go in. Maybe it's not as bad as it seems." Well, I thought, maybe. It IS a big place. Lots of room for people if they don't have isles barely big enough to walk through and lots of room for checkout lines. Skeptically, I parked and we walked across two parking lots to the one entrance that didn't have a sign saying "Use Main Entrance", and walked in. To exactly the cluster fuck I had expected. Narrow isles. Racks of clothes and other stuff right up to the checkouts so the people in line ended up blocking aisles.

At one end of the indoor compound there is a gift shop. With maybe 6 people shopping. Mrs. Dan O says, "I'll look around here, you go look at the guns. I'll find you." Uh, okay, sure.

I walked back through clothing and checkout lines and to the stairs leading to the artillery loft. Roughly 100ft. of showcases with the first 25ft. or so being binoculars and other non-weaponry paraphernalia. The rest are loaded with ~~fun-guns~~ various fine specimens of firearms. And also people packed in, sometimes 2 to 3 deep, the entire length. Ug.

As I stroll the length of the show cases, catching glimpse of said firearms, I locate the handguns. I step up behind, and peer over, shoulders adorned in sundry flannel wear and try to determine where the particular pistols I seek are located.

Aha! I think I spot one. There's possibly room for me to squeeze in next to Billy Joe Jim Bob Picksticker, who is checking out a pistol. Hold it, wait. He's yelling down the line for his friend or cousin (is there a difference) Bobby Jim Joe Bill Sheepfucker to come and take a look. By the time these two were standing shoulder to shoulder, there was an eclipse of the sunlight coming in the window and I could see enough flannel to make sheets, curtains and recover my truck seat.

BJJBP hands the pistol over to BJJBS & he takes it, grips it with two hands and proceeds to aim it straight out in front of him over the counter as the two of them were making grunting noises and talking about this pistol like it was their cousin/sister/fiance (again, is there a diff).

As if taking this firing stance isn't enough, when the salesman behind the counter stood up, the gun was pretty much aimed at his head. He didn't seem to notice as he was talking with a different customer at the time. BJJBS didn't seem to care and stood there still drooling over how "sweet" the gun was.

I did an about-face and walked down to find Mrs. O so we could leave. These two tardbrains are exactly why the rest of us gun owners get a bad rep. Fucking flannel wearing sister-fucking billhillies with no regard for proper gun safety.

Think maybe I'll just carry a fucking cattle prod in my truck.

Work & Windstream; Two Of My Favorite Topics...

2009-11-13T12:30:00.000-05:00

...to bitch about.

In the words of Eric Cartman, "Fuck,fuck,fuckity,fuck,fuck,fuck!" That pretty much sums up my day so far. And it's got nothing to do with being Friday the 13th. Just another fucking day in the paradise we call work. I stick by my theme song for this place. m-i-c-k-e-y, m-o-u-s-e.

Oh and besides that? Also this week:

Last Sunday I took the class necessary to allow me to apply for a CCW here in Ohio. The next step for me is to decide on a weapon since I've never owned a handgun. I've shot them and I did a respectable job during the proficiency part of Sunday's course. I've just never owned one. I decided class first, then weapon, then apply for CCW.

Now, I know about the biggest and most popular place around here to go shopping for firearms. It's about 30 miles or so away. And it's probably where I'll end up going, since I doubt any smaller dealers can beat their prices due to volume purchasing. But, I wanted to see what other places are around, maybe check out some used deals. I'm in no hurry.

So I picked up my local phone company's phone book and looked in the yellow pages for gun dealers. Nope, not there. Firearms. Nope, not there. Hunting equip. Nope, not there. See a pattern emerging? Pistols, rifles, peashooters, slingshots? Nope. Nope. Nope and not-a. Okay, try the index. Nope. WTF,O?!

Just another fucking absolutely perfect reason to hate Windstream. They obviously are run by some fucking gun hating, douche-drinking, PETA-loving, communist.

So, I picked up the neighboring area's phonebook and oh, looky here. There are at least half a dozen gun dealers in my county.

Happy Friday, one and all!

Is There Anybody Out There?

2009-10-13T10:18:00.003-04:00

Hmmm...seems I've been neglecting this blog more than usual. And I have.

I've been busy still trying to keep up with the blogs I have on Reader. Got behind when I went on vacation for 4 days and have never caught up. Plus I've been entertaining the friends on Facebook with old class pictures. And I've been in process of trying to get an XP machine set up to replace my 98 machine.

Windows of every flavor sucks! Too bad I'm not hip enough to give Linux a go. Just not up to putting that much effort into a new OS. Nor am I financially equipped for such any such adventure. Hell, the XP machine I'm attempting to get up is one my son abandoned for a brand new machine last year when it gave him problems.I figure there's about a 50/50 chance I'll get pissed of soon enough and say fuck it and be back to the 98 machine and to hell with joining the 21st century. With most content on the internet, I don't think I'll feel all that left out.

Anyway, that's my latest excuse. Not that I owe anyone. It's not like this blogging thing pays all that well or actually has deadlines.

Ok, back to Reader.

Hump Day Update

2009-09-30T10:24:00.003-04:00

Spent this last weekend at one of these with my wife celebrating our 25 years of marriage. Our anniversary is actually this Saturday, which is when we're going out to eat to continue the celebration.

Some of you may be saying, "Geez, Dan O, you're milking this anniversary thing a little, aren't you? A surprise party last month, a weekend away this month AND a night out on your actual anniversary."

Well, yeah. Maybe we are milking it. But, it seems like something worth milking, to me. Considering I was a committed bachelor right up until the moment I heard those words, "Honey, I'm pregnant".

It hasn't always been easy. We raised a handicapped son and his younger brother. We moved 7 times in the first 7 years we were married. One move was interstate. The last move into the house we spent 11 months building ourselves and where we have lived since 1991. Numerous layoffs and new jobs, some paying well, some not as well.

But through it all, here we are 25 years later. So yeah, we're prolonging the celebration for as long as we can.

Love you, Honey!

Heard On The Radio

2009-09-18T10:23:00.002-04:00

I got a good laugh on the way into work this morning.

It seems KISS is coming to Cleveland for a concert sometime in the near future and the over enthusiastic announcer (sounds like that guy who used to do the SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! ads for the dragway races) touts "KISS, THE MOST INFLUENTIAL ROCK BAND EVER!".

Are you kidding me? Influential? Not even a little bit. The ad should be "KISS, THE MOST OVER-EXPOSED, OVER-MERCHANDISED, OVER-RATED, NO TALENT, BUNCH OF MAKEUP WEARING UGLY MUGS EVER TO CARRY INSTRUMENTS ON TO A STAGE." And yea, I owned one 8 track of theirs when I was like 14. But hey, I was 14!

Most influential rock band ever, my ass. Good for a laugh though and since they're still raking in the money, maybe the joke is on me.

Decisions

2009-09-14T10:23:00.002-04:00

Went to reader and had 110 unread messages on all my favorite reads. Fuck! No time for that and since I've neglected to post anything for quite awhile, figured should do this instead. Not sure what good it's going to do.

Been thinking about taking this blog in another direction for some time and am thinking now may be the time.

I'm not much of a political pundit (like that's news) even with the current Douche bag-in-Chief making it so apparently easy. Anyway, many others out there doing it infinitely better.

Probably not going to change the name of the blog. It still suits who I am. Just the content will change. For those who have been faithful followers, I thank you. If you stick around, that's cool. If not, 's okay, too.

We shall see what happens.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

2009-09-02T07:09:00.002-04:00

This past Saturday, my wife and I were the recipients of a surprise 25th wedding anniversary party. Our neighbor and sons conspired to put the thing together. Our Anniversary isn't until October 3rd, but they wanted it outdoors and figured having it early wouldn't raise our suspicions when invited over.

It was an outdoor picnic type party and for a change Mother Nature cooperated. My wife was surprised when her mom and two of her sisters showed up as well as one of her brothers and his wife. We usually only see them when WE drive the 150+ miles to their houses.

Fun and good homemade food was had by all. We reaped in some cash to help us enjoy our upcoming Anniversary weekend away and some very nice gifts.

After the party, my wife and I went to a nearby street fair and listened to some great live music by a local area band for about 3 hours. We even ran into a friend and co-worker there who had also been at our party.

It was a fun day.

Friday Fodder

2009-08-28T07:08:00.004-04:00

Who the fuck wants to go see the dead bloated body, on public display, of Ted "The Swimmer" Kennedy? Unless it's to spit on the coffin or poke the carcass with a stick to make sure he's dead. Plant that fucker already. Better yet, dump his casket in the Chappaquiddick and take the same ride as poor Mary Jo. May she rest in peace.

And speaking of dead things; I just heard on the radio that the Neverland Freak is still above ground. WTF?! He's been dead for what, 2 months? Let it go. What is it with these entertainment families? Remember James Brown? They didn't bury him for weeks or months after he stopped feeling good. Or is a black thing? Just askin', I don't fuckin' know. Makes no sense to keep a dead body out of the furnace, or grave, unless it's for forensic purposes.

On the way home yesterday, I was stopped behind a minivan, with about 5 kids playing tag in the back,, who I thought was waiting to turn left. We were at a green light and even though he had no turn signal on, big fucking surprise, I figured he was waiting for oncoming traffic. The right lane was moving and too busy to move over, so I was patiently waiting. Then his right turn signal came on. WTF? Must be a car in front of him, that I couldn't see, that we were waiting on to make the left.
So, the right lane clears about then and the minivan moves right and goes on his merry way. And there's no other vehicle in sight in front of me. Double WTF. This asshole had been sitting there because there was something in the road. A piece of plastic. About the size and shape of a glove compartment door. That's what it reminded me of anyway. Yea, about 12in. by 8in. and maybe 1-1/2in. thick. And this white trash, fuckbrain driving a minivan wouldn't drive over it!
There could have been 4 or 5 stacked up and he would have cleared them. It was in the middle of the lane. And when I say "middle", I mean if a 15-man ODOT crew with tape measures and a laser transit and 3 white-hats directing them, had blueprints showing them exact placement in the middle of that lane, had worked a 7-1/2 hour shift, with all coffee and union breaks, to place it in the middle; this was closer. Some people just don't have the ability to think and breath at the same time.

Achieving Inner Peace....

2009-08-27T10:20:00.002-04:00

From my email*:

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. It really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3.. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under water.

There!! See? It really does work! You're smiling already!!

*I'd post credit, but I didn't receive it with any. So we'll just say, h/t Anonymous