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Friday, October 3, 2014


Isn't that what it really is? Menopause is a female condition and a male affliction.

It changes from "Not tonight, I have a headache" to "Not this decade, I have menopause." In other words, "men-on-pause".

That being the case, it makes "celebrating" 30 years of marriage a different manner of celebration. It is still a milestone, just celebrated in a more down-played manner.

For instance, the "perfect pair" for the evening becomes...

I'm not complaining. Well, maybe a little. But, regardless I am proud to say I am still married after 30 years and don't need (although would enjoy) sexual gratification to relish the milestone.

Our marriage was a simple civil service that cost a whopping $40 and was a private ceremony without anyone present besides ourselves and the Marriage Commissioner of Norfolk, VA.

How many couples do you know who went through a traditional wedding ceremony, costing thousands and lasted 30 years? I know of a few, but of many who didn't.

It's not the wedding that makes a marriage. It is the endurance of the couple to remain a couple through all of the trials and tribulations. And we've had our share.

So, if the simple pleasure of an excellent cigar and a fine bourbon are the highlight of the evening, it is well worth it.

I wish the best to anyone experiencing the longevity of marriage with the someone special who is experiencing life with them. 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Suggested Punishment for Bay Village Punks...

...who think dumping feces and urine on an autistic student is funny.

Now that the societal excrement have been identified by the Bay Village PD and charges are pending, I would like to offer one possible fitting punishment. Send them out to a dairy farm in my neck of the woods and make 'em shovel shit for 12 hours a day for a week. Then to a pig farm for another week. In the middle of summer when it's nice and steamy outside. No respirators, no nose plugs, no neckerchiefs worn bandit style. No gloves. Barefoot & shirtless.

Inhale deeply you fucking punks!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Another Post Apropos For A Sunday

  I decided to go into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. I pulled aside the curtain, entered and sat down. To my surprise there was a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

  I heard the priest come in: “Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit  that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to  be".
  The priest  replied..."Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

A Barking Dog And Salvation Peddlers

You know they say a picture is worth a thousand words. No, I don’t who “they” are. Anyway, if that’s true, I wonder how many words a  facial expression is worth.

The 2nd time in just a few minutes that I had to step out the backdoor to tell our foster dog (my son’s dog that we’ve been housing for a year) to shut up, I realize most other dogs in the neighborhood were barking. Not unusual, as we have a group of  teenagers who routinely ride razors (thought those went out of style in the ‘90’s about the time grunge died) down our street and into the park across from our house. So, I figure that’s what he’s barking about and go back inside.

Not long after, he starts barking again. Enough is enough. I go out the back door and instead of sheepishly giving me  his sideways glance and walking back the other way, he is still barking with his leash pulled taut and looking at the front of the house. So, I go down the steps and walk toward him, telling him to shut up and just as I reach him, a man and woman are coming off the front porch. Good dog.

They greet me and I return the greeting and somewhat shortly ask “What can do for you?” I notice they are carrying identical books, presumably whatever their version of the “good book” happens to be.

 The man starts saying something about visiting their friends and neighbors…blah, blah, blah…  How odd, I don’t know them so, they aren’t friends; and I don’t recall ever seeing them before so, doubtful they are neighbors. Though I don’t know the names of many of my neighbors, I would recognize most of them.

At this point, I merely tightened my lips and rolled my eyes while moving my head slowly from side to side.

Well, without saying a word (or releasing the dog), I obviously got my point across. Because this young gentleman stopped mid-sentence, and said “O.K., well, have a nice day” and they walked away.

Mission: Accomplished.

When I went back into the house, I told Mrs. Dan O that I should post a sign on our front door that says: “I was blessed by the Pope 30 years ago in Vatican Square. (true) If that didn’t help me, you sure can’t!”

Friday, August 8, 2014

Cleveland Hosts The Gay Games

Oh. Yay.

And I say that with all the mock enthusiasm I can muster.

I don't know anything about The Gaymes or what events are scheduled. But, I doubt there's baseball or softball gaymes, right? I mean, how do you field teams with nothing but pitchers and catchers?

Just a question. Don't hate.

Enjoy your Friday. I know I will as long as I make it out of Cleveland ( I work there) without being run over by a pink Prius.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

LaGrange And It's Useless Idiots Strike Again

Thanks to the Village of LaGrange and the geniuses they hire, I can no longer drain water out of my yard through the tile I have crossing under my sidewalk.

They raised the height of the new catch basin, and just buried the other end of my tile. Do you think MAYBE they could have tied it into the catch basin or asked if I wanted to pay to have it done?

There I go thinking government and government contractors give a shit or can think beyond the blueprint.

Just pissed!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Obama Is An Obuffoon

So the Ass-Clown-in-Chief is now saying Sgtraitor Bergdahl is "somebody's child". Really Barry? Child ?!?!

NO, pResident Numbfuck, he is a 28 year old MAN. Who at the age of 23, also an age one should be considered a man ( something I've never thought of calling you by the way. at least not without adjectives attached), walked away from his assigned military post and (allegedly) into the hands of the enemy. And then 5 years later, when he got a tummy ache and missed his mommy and daddy ill, was used as a willing pawn to free 5 top enemy commanders. A child. Fuck you, Barry.

Sue Martin of Bergdahl's hometown and a friend of his family said (I'm paraphrasing, accurately) it was ironic that Bergdahl voluntarily served in the U.S. Army fighting for our freedoms and is now being criticized by those using the freedom of speech.

Dear Suzy,

You conveniently left out the part that he also VOLUNTARILY left his fucking post and at the least deserted, if not defected. But, that's just a minor thing to folks like you, I suppose. At least he's coming home now, right? No honor. No patriotism. But damn it, he's home.

Hopefully to stand trial.